


Kyle's Incredible Gift

by Omward



Category: South Park
Genre: But like minor I promise, Cause like you can't have a good old style fanfic without that ship, Character Death, Don't freak it's only Kenny, Explicit Language, F/M, Grade a parenting, I Tried, I mean it's South Park for crying out loud, M/M, Original Character(s), Slow Burn, South Park Show, South Park: The Fractured But Whole, Token Black/Clyde Donovan if you squint, past Stan Marsh/Wendy Testaburger - Freeform, super powers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2019-01-29
Packaged: 2019-09-07 17:59:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 35,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16858726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Omward/pseuds/Omward
Summary: Kyle Broflovski is a man, well boy, of logic. Meaning, everything can be explained through logic and science. Even though he has seen aliens (Just some assholes pranking some kids for laughs), a land filled with imaginable characters (he somehow ended up at Disneyland), and nearly dying several times (South Park has the best medical capabilities). Yet, he had gained a powerful gift. An ability like no other. He was now a psychic.Not like the fake psychics that pretend for money. No. He was the real deal. He had the ability to lift things with his mind. And it was all Eric Fucking Cartman’s fault.P.S. Get ready for all the references.





	1. A Hero's Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, Everyone. I'll keep this short. This is just something that I have been passionate about writing and felt like it was good enough to share. Cause you know. Criticism helps you grow and become better, blah blah blah. Enjoy. (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

Kyle Broflovski is a man, well boy, of logic. Meaning, everything can be explained through logic and science. Even though he has seen aliens (Just some assholes pranking some kids for laughs), a land filled with imaginable characters (he somehow ended up at Disneyland), and nearly dying several times (South Park has the best medical capabilities). Yet, he had gained a powerful gift. An ability like no other. He was now a psychic.    
  
Not like the fake psychics that pretend for money. No. He was the real deal. He had the ability to lift things with his mind. And it was all Eric Fucking Cartman’s fault.    
  
About five months ago, Cartman had the bright idea to jump of his roof with cardboard wings. Which in return, he (somehow) managed to convince the police he was a psychic, and could stop the left hand serial killer. To make sure the real killer was caught, Kyle had to jump off the roof as well. To convince everyone he was a psychic. And he fucking became a psychic.    
  
It took him a month and a half to actually accept it. When Kyle got angry (which is very often), whether it be at school or at home, the lights would shake or sometimes burst (depends on how angry he got). Things would fly off the shelves and some objects would float. At first he tried to explain it to himself logically. Power outages, loose selves, and even believing Ike was pulling a prank on him. He tried. He really did. But he knew he couldn’t deny it any longer. Especially since he could hurt the people around him (more like he didn’t want to hurt his mother, or Stan, when they riled him up. He couldn’t care less if Cartman got hurt. He hoped for that).    
  
So for the next three and a half months, Kyle trained. He trained to control his powers. And he actually learned how to control every part of his powers. He found out that he was damn well good at using them. He learned in the perfect place too, his attic. It was perfect because he could concentrate and not have his mother bug him.   
  
But now, Kyle couldn’t help but sit at his desk and twiddles his fingers. There is a boy in town being a superhero. And here he was, someone with actual powers, doing nothing while someone without powers is going around town being a hero. He feels so useless. Curse his strong sense of justice.   
  
“Hello Kyle.”    
  
Kyle whips his head to the voice. There he sees the hero perched on his bed.  _ Speak of the devil. _ Kyle jumps out of his chair.    
  
“Whoa, what the?”    
  
“Do not be afraid. I mean you no harm.”   
  
“Hey. Hey, your that Mysterion kid.”  _ ‘Well no shit Kyle, you already knew that.’ _   
  
“Yes. But now I believe someone is trying to learn my true identity.”    
  
“Dude, everyone's trying to figure out who you are.”   
  
Mysterion turns away from Kyle, and Kyle could only think that he did it for dramatic effect.    
  
“I cannot be unmasked, for then I would stop being a symbol. I need help. Somebody who can do background checks for me, do some investigation.”    
  
“Who? Me? Why?”    
  
“Because I think you are the smartest kid in class.” Mysterion looks over his shoulder at Kyle.    
  
_ ‘This is your chance Kyle.’ _ He thinks.  _ ‘You can use these powers and make sure no one gets hurt.’ _ __  
  
“I’ll do it.”    
  
———   
  
In a news studio, an anchorman reports about a new terrorist appearing in South Park.    
  
“The clock is ticking and the citizens of South Park are gripped in fear. Two days ago an evil unknown terrorist threatened major consequences if Mysterion does not reveal his identity.” A picture of Mysterion appears right beside the anchorman.    
  
A video replaces the anchorman. It shows Professor Chaos reading off of a sheet of paper with General Disarray in the background.    
  
“Mark my words, South Park! Your precious hero is now, uh, your undoing! If Mysterion does not unmask himself publicly by Wednesday night, I am going to blow up... a hospital. Blow up a hospital? I'm not gonna blow up any hospital. Are you nuts? What? Uh, the choice is yours, Mysterion! Unmask yourself or hundreds will die! Hahaha....Jesus Christ.”   
  
The anchorman appears again with a fellow co-worker asking where the town’s symbol could be.    
  
——   
  
Kyle had gotten there as fast as he could. There, on a construction sight, was Professor Chaos, General Disarray, and Mysterion.    
  
“Look out Mysterion! General Disarray is behind you!” The General grabs a hold of Mysterion’s left leg.    
  
“Jesus Christ, we need back up out here!” Kyle hears and officer shout. More cop cars instantly arrive.    
  
Kyle watches as Professor Chaos and General Disarray push Mysterion onto some open bags of plaster. All you could hear throughout the crowd, are the cheers of the two villains.    
  
Kyle watched as the hero laid on his back, unmoving. He couldn’t help but feel as though he needs to do something. So he does. Kyle runs to a back alley where he could still see the construction sight, and Mysterion, clearly. Kyle had never really tried to communicate with someone telepathically, much less an unconscious person. But, no time like the present.    
  
Kyle closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Multiple thoughts race into Kyle’s head. His head starts to pound. He ignores the crowd’s thoughts and starts to concentrate hard on connecting his and Mysterion’s minds, to create a psychic link. It starts to get difficult since Kyle had to find and, forcibly, open up Mysterion’s mind before the link could be created. He could feel Mysterion’s unconscious brain waves. He could feel his psychic abilities, or psychic self whichever really, shake them awake.    
  
_ “Come on, Mysterion! Wake up, damnit!” _ __  
__  
_ “...Ugh...”  _ __  
__  
_ “There!” _ Kyle shouted mentally as he formed the psychic link between himself and Mysterion.    
  
Kyle couldn’t help but feel ecstatic at his first attempts of creating a physic link. Even if it exhausted him mentally.    
  
_ “...Mysterion, can you hear me?”  _ Kyle pants. __  
__  
_ “Huh? Kyle?” _ __  
__  
_ “Yup. Now listen here and don’t freak out. I am talking to you telepathically. And the town really needs you to wake the fuck up!” _ __  
  
Kyle could watch from the alleyway as Mysterion opens his eyes and pounces on his enemies. Kyle slid down against the wall of the alleyway, and pants. He rests his head in his hands. But smiles at the accomplishment he just had.    
  
——   
  
Kyle couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t believe he just took the fall for Mysterion! Now he is in jail for it. But he feels happy to help the real superhero, and have him keep his identity a secret.    
  
“That’s it. Lights out. Goodnight  __ Mysterion .” The guard flips the lights off and leaves.    
  
“Goodnight.” Kyle replies even though he knows the guard left.    
  
“Why did you do that Kyle?”    
  
Kyle perks his head up to see the real Mysterion on the other side of the bars. He doesn’t hesitate to answer the hero’s question.   
  
“Well, you had asked for help.”   
  
“I didn’t mean you should dress up and pretend to be me to take the fall.”    
  
Kyle gets off his jail cell bed and walks to the bars.    
  
“Aw. It’s alright. I will be out of here in a few days.”   
  
“Goodbye then.”    
  
Kyle grips the bars.    
  
“Wha- wait, wait. I’m sorry, I-I can’t take it anymore. I really want to know who you are.” To Kyle, it felt like his mouth moved on its own.    
  
“I guess I owe you that much.”    
  
Kyle feels as though he could hear a drum roll as the hero unmasks himself. Kyle stares. It took him a bit to regain his voice.    
  
“I don’t believe it.”   
  
——   
  
Once Kyle was let out of jail, he quickly summoned Kenny to his house. More specificity the attic. He knew there, no one would hear their conversation.    
  
“Okay dude, no one will hear us up here. It’s safe to talk about you know what. “    
  
Kyle watches as Kenny looks around the attic. Kyle had spruced up the place when he was training to control his powers.    
  
“Dude! Why didn’t you tell me you had fucking psychic powers?!” Kenny shouts.   
  
Kyle sits down on one of the many folding chairs set up. “Sorry dude. I just- I didn’t want anyone to know. I was scared I would lose control of my powers. I almost hurt my mom with them. I didn’t want to hurt you guys too. But I did, finally, master them. It’s almost like I’m a natural. I was just - no, I am scared to show anyone. I don’t want everyone to be scared by me, or send me to the government for analysis, or try to kill me just because they’re scared.”    
  
Kenny walks over to Kyle, and puts his hand on the boy’s shoulder in a comforting way.    
  
“Kyle. It’s okay. You were just looking out for yourself and the people you care about.”    
  
“Thanks dude. But I still do want to help you! If I need to I will use my powers.”     
  
“Okay, let us get to work on the newest case.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoped you liked the first chapter. Sorry, if it felt rushed. I didn't want to spend so much time on the backstory and what not. Until next time.


	2. The Rise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of South Park's newest hero, Human Kite. 
> 
> Kenny and Kyle find a lead to help them get one step closer to find the origin of Kenny's powers.
> 
> After finding out some information from an unreliable source. They stop a drug deal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have up to chapter 5 ready to go, but I want to space it out. Chapter two is a riot. Also I don't know my drugs.

 

It has been a week after Kyle exposed himself as Mysterion. At first, everyone had went up to him, asking for his is autograph. He felt awkward with all the attention towards him, since he knew he didn’t deserve it. Stan had gotten pissed at him since he didn’t tell him, but was happy that he was doing something good for the town (Kyle kept telling Stan that he wasn’t really Mysterion, but just taking the fall for him. Stan didn’t listen). While Cartman kept bragging to everyone that The Coon was the one who unmasked Mysterion. 

  
It had to take a very strategic plan created by Kyle and Kenny to show that Kyle wasn’t Mysterion. The plan was to have Kyle ‘run out’ of hair products and making his way towards a 24/7 store. While walking, Kyle had to stop underneath a ‘loose’ sign that fell, aimed to crush him (the South Park news was tipped off to be there at the same time). Mysterion picked up Kyle bridal style and managed to get out of the sign’s path. As the news captured it all on video, it showed that Kyle wasn’t the masked hero. Cartman had a tantrum at school the next day and Stan apologized for not believing his super best friend.  
  
——-  
  
Now, a couple months later, Kyle is furiously typing.  
  
_“Mysterion, have you gotten to Kum and Go?”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“Yeah. I just arrived. Have you hacked into their security camera?”_ _  
_  
Kyle pushes one last button on the keyboard and the screen split into four sections. Each section showing a different part of the store. The camera on the top right corner (camera 1) displays a man dressing in all black, with a ski mask on, aiming a gun at the cashier.  
  
_“Yup. You better hurry. This robber looks like he’s about to shoot.”_ Kyle informs Mysterion through their psychic link.  
_  
_ A second later, on camera 1, a flash of purple crosses the screen and the robber is on the ground. Mysterion is on the counter telling the employee to get out of the store. As the employee makes a break for it, Mysterion grabs the gun from the robber. He drops the gun where the employee once stood. Making sure the robber could no longer access it. Kyle watches as Mysterion grabs the robber by his right arm and pulls him up to face him. It’s then that Kyle spots a weird looking tattoo on the robber’s forearm.  
  
_“Did you call the police yet?”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“Did that before you even entered.”_ _  
_  
Kyle watchs as Mysterion smirks at the sound of what Kyle could only assume are the police sirens. He was right because not a moment later Officer Barbrady walks through the door and handcuffs the robber. Once there is no longer a threat, Mysterion gives Officer Barbrady the robber’s weapon. Officer Barbrady gives the gun to one of the other officers and then proceeds to take off the ski mask. The man underneath the mask was a man with blond hair and a strong chiseled face. Mysterion and Officer Barbrady exchange information about the case and Mysterion leaves after a giving a quick goodbye.  
  
Kyle feels a bit uneasy about that tattoo on the robber’s arm. Even though it was just a quick glance, he could tell that it was not just a regular tattoo. Kyle soon learned that if you have an uneasy feeling about something, as a psychic, something is definitely wrong and needs to be further investigated.  
  
Kyle proceeds to hack into the police’s criminal database (It really was a piece of cake for Kyle to hack in there). Kyle scrolls through the database. Sighing to himself as majority of ‘criminals’ are blacks. Kyle’s eyes light up in recognition as the Kum and Go robber shown on his computer screen. Kyle clicked on the blond man’s report.  
  
**Name: Darren Dillon Dickinson** **  
** **  
** **Age: 32** **  
** **  
** **Relationships: Richard (Dick) Dickinson (Father-Deceased), Doris Jane Dickinson (Mother-Deceased).** **  
** **  
** **Occupation: Ex-Police Officer** **  
** **  
** **Looks: Blonde hair, chiseled face, muscular, brown eyes.** **  
** **  
** **Scars, Marks & Tattoos: tattoo on right forearm. ** **  
**  
Kyle looks at the picture of the tattoo on the robber’s forearm. He thinks the marks look demonic, almost like a pentagram. Kyle prints the picture, while silently thanking his father for getting him is own printer.  
  
Kyle opens a new tab, and was about to start searching pentagrams when Kenny walked into his room. Kyle thanks God that it was through the door and not the window this time.  
  
“Hey, Kyle. What’s up?”  
  
“Dude! You got to check out what I just found out about this mornings robber.”  
  
Kyle shows the pentagram to Kenny. Kyle watched as Kenny’s eyes widen in realization. Only markings like these belong to people in cults.  
  
“...Dude....”  
  
“Kenny, this just might be our first lead about your powers.”  
  
Kyle accepted that Kenny couldn’t die. Hell, he was a psychic for God’s sake. So he agreed to help Kenny, not only with being Mysterion’s partner, but helping Kenny learn about his powers.  
  
“Come on, Kenny. You know as well as I do that markings like these only belong to cults.”  
  
A month into helping Kenny, Kyle found a newspaper article online about Kenny’s mother and father being with a cult. Unfortunately, the newspaper article did not write down which cult it was. Kenny’s parents didn’t know either since they have been to multiple cult meetings. That and being extremely drunk at all of them didn’t help. This in turn, left the boys back at square one. Until now.  
  
“You’re right. Kyle, can you try to match this marking with other cults near here?”  
  
“Already on it. This might take a while though. Just go and do something. Also, don’t get pissed if I can’t find it right away.”  
  
“Shut the fuck up, and keep researching.”  
  
Kyle snickers at his friends response.  
  
——  
  
Several hours later, and there was absolutely nothing about the marking on the robber’s arm. Kyle searched every social media platform, ever search engine, and hell he even looked up everything about this Darren guy. Nothing. Zip. Zilch. It pissed Kyle off. All he could find on the guy was that he drank a lot, was a cop, gambled every now and then, went to the strip club a bunch, and that he owned a dog named Bandit. He seemed like such a normal guy. Which pissed Kyle off even more because why would such a normal guy be dealing with a fucking cult. It made no sense to him.  
  
“Kenny, dude, I’ve got like nothing about the robber and the markings.” Kyle says to his cell phone.  
  
_“Okay. Give me a couple minutes and I will head back to your place.” _  
  
——  
  
Kyle hears the door open and shut behind him. He turns to see Kenny pulling his hood down.  
  
“So you got nothing on this guy?”  
  
“Other then his basic information? Then no. This guy is a pretty normal dude. Which then begs the question, why be part a part of a cult? Usually people in a cult are pretty messed up people. No offense.”  
  
“Dude my parents are messed up.”  
  
Kyle giggles a bit, but quickly clears his throat. “There is only one way I can think of that can get us answers about the markings.”  
  
“Which is?”  
  
“Ask Professor Chaos.”  
  
Kyle sighs as he receives a harsh glare from Kenny.  
  
“Dude, I know you and Butters are dating, and you hate the idea of being in the black market. But Professor Chaos always knows what’s going on in there. We need his help. So don’t be a pussy, and just ask your boyfriend for help.”  
  
“It’s not because Butters and I are dating. It’s because Mysterion and Professor Chaos are arch-enemies. It would be weird if Mysterion had to ask help from Professor Chaos. Plus, everyone knows that Professor Chaos is Butters, but no one but you and I know who Mysterion is.”  
  
“Ugh...Oh! What about the Goth Kids? They’re into this shit aren’t they?”  
  
“Yeah, but I already checked them out earlier. They said that this was a marking they never seen before.”  
  
“Ugh! Damn it!”  
  
“Bubbie! I heard shouting up there! Is everything okay?”  
  
“Everything’s fine mom!”  
  
“Okay! You boys play nice now!”  
  
Kyle takes a deep breath and sighs.  
  
“Come on dude. If the Goths can’t help us then the only person who can is Professor Chaos.”  
  
“I hate that you’re right. Since it’s night I will head over to the U Stor It storage facility in a hour.”  
  
“Dude, I should come with you.” Kyle says.

  
Kenny’s eyes widen at the statement but quickly drop and a smirk comes out.  
  
“So this is going to be the first showing of the Human Kite hmm?~”  
  
Kyle used his psychic powers to pick up The Old Man And The Sea book that laid on his floor, and throws it at Kenny. Effectively hitting him in the head.  
  
“Asshole...” Kenny grumbles as he rubs his head.  
  
“Whatever. Just go home and suit up.”  
  
“I can’t wait to see my little Buttercup!~” Kenny exclaims as he left Kyle’s room. Kyle sighs as he gets up from his desk chair. His legs feel numb from sitting to long, but he continues to walk to his closet. He pulls out a sky blue, skin tight, suit and a kite. He smiles to himself.  
  
——  
  
Standing in the middle of U Stor It storage facility. Human Kite can hear Mysterion sigh.  
  
_“I really don’t want to do this.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“And I don’t give a shit about what you want.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“Fucking asshole.”_ _  
_  
“Come on out Professor Chaos! We know you are around here!” Mysterion calls into the night.  
  
After a minute or two the duo hear a familiar laughter.  
  
“Hahahahaha! Look at what the cat dragged in!”  
  
“Reveal yourself Chaos. We mean you now harm. We are only here to negotiate.” Human Kite shouts.  
  
“Hahahaha! Looks like we’ve got ourselves a wannabe hero. Right, General Disarray?”  
  
“Right.” A voice, from the opposite direct of Professor Chaos’ voice, speaks out.  
  
“Leave Human Kite alone Chaos. He’s right though. We don’t want to fight. We came to chat.”  
  
Professor Chaos jumps out from behind a bunch of boxes. Human Kite glances behind him to see General Disarray standing there.    
  
“A chat, you say? How do I know you won’t give me titty-twisters?”  
  
“Because we aren’t the fucking Coon.”  
  
A contemplating look crosses Professor Chaos’ face. Professor Chaos walks to General Disarray and mutter to themselves. Mysterion and Human Kite watch as the evil duo shoot looks toward them. After a minute or so, Professor Chaos stands straight up and clears his throat.  
  
“Oh, um, fellas? We have decided to trust you, but if this is a setup-“  
  
“We are the good guys Chaos. We would never betray your trust.” Mysterion says gently. Human Kite could see Mysterion’s features soften. Human Kite smiles softly at this. _‘Kenny really does love Butters. It must suck having to fight against your boyfriend.’_ _  
_  
“Well, alrighty then. What did you want to chat about?” Professor Chaos asks.  
  
Human Kite watches as Mysterion’s features hardens. Mysterion slips the picture of the markings (from what seems like thin air) and walks over to Professor Chaos. He hands the picture to the Professor, lingers there for a few seconds, then walks back to his place beside Human Kite.  
  
“Have you ever seen these markings before?”  
  
“Y-Yeah. I’ve seen these before. It was a long time ago so I don’t remember a lot about them, but I know that I’ve seen these before.”  
  
“Well that’s a start. Can you look up information about the markings on the black market?”  
  
“Sure, but what’s in it for me?”  
  
There was a short pause before Mysterion’s emotionless face formed into a smirk. Human Kite and General Disarray watch as Mysterion goes back toward Professor Chaos and whisper something in his ear. Professor Chaos’ face blooms into a red tomato. Once done, Mysterion walks back toward Human Kite, grab his arm, and pulls him toward the exit.  
  
“Once you got the information just give us a shout.”  
  
With that Mysterion and Human Kite left the U Stor It storage facility. While walking down the street, Human Kite’s curiosity got the better of him.  
  
“What did you say to Chaos?”  
  
“Just that I can get his little boyfriend to do some naughty things to him tonight.” Human Kite could tell that Mysterion was holding back from licking his lips.  
  
“Ew! Disgusting dude!”  
  
Mysterion just laughs.  
  
——-  
  
The next day, Kyle stands at his locker grabbing his next period binder.  
  
“Hey, Kyle!”  
  
Kyle turns his head to see Stan walking towards him. Kyle smiles softly as Stan stops in front of him.  
  
“Hey! What’s up dude?”  
  
“Dude, did Cartman invite you to play superhero?”  
  
Kyle felt his heart drop.  
  
“No. Why?”  
  
“Cause he’s going around school, asking all the guys if they want to play. He says that ‘Coon’ overheard Mysterion, Professor Chaos, General Disarray, and some new guy named Human Kite, talking about something. He says that ‘Coon’ told him to gather his own group of ‘Avengers’ to see what’s going down.”  
  
“So, are you going to join?” Kyle pleads in his mind that his super best friend says no.  
  
“Yeah, might as well. This might be my chance to actually meet Mysterion and his new partner.”  
  
Kyle was about to burst. He couldn’t believe fucking Cartman was going to ruin everything just because he wants to fucking one up Mysterion. Now Cartman wants to get innocent people involved. God fucking Damnit.  
  
“Dude, I don’t think that’s a good idea. I mean, why try and get in Mysterion and Human Kite’s way?” Kyle tries to reason. His best friend looks thoughtful for a bit, but then shrugs.  
  
“If I don’t join now, Cartman will somehow rope me in like always.”  
  
_“GOD FUCKING DAMNIT!!”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“Yo, Kyle what’s up?”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“Kenny we need to talk. NOW!”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“Okay. Just calm down before all the lights in the school explode again.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“Meet me behind the school in five minutes.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“Aye aye captain.”_ _  
_  
“Stan, look, I need to go. I will see you first period, okay.” With that, Kyle sprints away. Leaving a very confused super best friend in the dust.  
  
——  
  
“He’s doing fucking WHAT?!”    
  
“Recruiting all the guys our age, so he can pin them against us.”  
  
“Fuck. And here I thought you were just dragging me away from my Butters time just to have me for yourself.”  
  
“You fucking wish. But seriously what the hell are we going to do?”  
  
“I say just let it play out. He is bound to invite us, or at the very least me, to join. So that he can narrow down his suspect list, and to see if Mysterion and them can be in the same room with each other. All we have to do is infiltrate, and stay one step ahead.”  
  
“What if they get hurt or in the way?”  
  
“Well then we make sure that never happens.”  
  
Kyle smiles at the thought.  
  
——  
  
Kyle sits in the attic. His eyes are closed, focusing on the psychic link between himself and Kenny. On the other side of the link, Kenny is infiltrating the Coon’s secret base.  
  
_“Princess Kenny. Are you in?”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“Walking down to the basement as we speak.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“Okay. I’m going to focus my power so I can also hear what’s going on.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“Just don’t fry my brain dude.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“Shut the fuck up, I’m concentrating.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“Hehe.”_ _  
_  
Kyle is filled with the urge to roll his eyes, but doesn’t. He doesn’t want to break his concentration. Kyle could feel his psyche start to spread around the brain to the auditory system (this is where sound is processed). Kyle could feel sweat start to run down his forehead, but he keeps going. Kyle has his psychic self poke and probe Princess Kenny’s brain until he is sure he won’t hurt the other. Kyle decides to take the plunge and try to connect his psychic self into Princess Kenny’s hearing.  
  
_“Dude...Is everything okay? Cause there is this nasty ringing in my ears.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“Shut the *huff* hell up *huff* K-Kenny.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“If this is to much trouble then I can just secretly record-“_ _  
_ _  
_ _“I-I *huff* got t-this!”_ _  
_  
Kyle could feel Princess Kenny’s brain emit worried thoughts, but he didn’t bother to focus on that. Kyle continues connect his psyche to Princess Kenny’s hearing. More sweat comes and drips from Kyle’s chin. Kyle starts to push his mind harder.  
  
Suddenly, Kyle can hear soft whispers. They grow louder as Kyle focuses on them. Soon he is able to hear the voices in his mind loud and clear.  
  
_“I-I did it *huff* Princess *huff* Kenny!”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“I knew you could Kyle. And might I add. Fucking hell that gave me such a goddamn headache and that fucking ringing was so fucking annoying.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“Thanks for *huff* baring with it.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“No problem. Now hush up! The meeting is starting.”_ _  
_  
Kyle leans back on the folding chair. Pen and paper ready to write down anything useful. He wipes the sweat from his forehead, but more continues to appear since he is still putting so much concentration into maintaining the link.  
  
——  
  
Princess Kenny looks at the people that are gathered around her. Like her, they are all seated on stools in front of a Coon and Friends banner.  
  
“My fellow heroes, tonight I stopped three murders from happening.” Princess Kenny watches as the Coon paces around the room. “I don’t know why, but we’re seeing a huge trend in crime. We have to find out the source of this evil. Something big is about to happen. That asshole Mysterion and his fucking sidekick aren’t doing a goddamn thing about it.” Princess Kenny frowns. She is glad her hood covers it. The Coon stops in front of the banner and turns towards the group. “You have all chosen to join me in this fight.”  
  
The Coon walks towards a bulletin board with pictures and string connecting them. He uses a pointer to point to a picture that was taken of some six graders.  
  
“From what I have gathered. The start of a huge drug dealing will be happening tonight in an alleyway right next to Jimbo’s Guns.” The Coon looks around the room, but his eyes pause on Princess Kenny.  
  
“Kenny, what the fuck!”  
  
“What?!” Princess Kenny’s voice was muffled by her hood.  
  
“Are you fucking kidding me?! Why the hell are you a girl?!”  
  
“Cause, I fucking can be!”  
  
“Dude! I am not having a fucking girl on this team!”  
  
“Why?! Every great hero league or group has a great girl hero in it!”  
  
“He’s got a point.”  
  
“Stay out of it Toolshed! I don’t give a shit about those groups! This is my group and there will be no fucking girls involved! So get your poor ass out of my fucking house!”  
  
“Fuck you! You fucking ball-licking lesbian!”  
  
With her final words, Princess Kenny marches up the basement stairs and heads to Kyle’s house.  
  
———  
  
“Dude...I fucking blew it.”  
  
“Don’t worry about it Kenny.”  
  
Kyle watches his friend slump on one of the folding chairs that are placed in the attic.  
  
“It doesn’t matter anyways. We got the information on we essentially wanted.” Kyle tries to console his friend.  
  
“You’re right, but I still blew it. We could’ve known all of the Coon’s movements if I had picked a different costume.”  
  
“Doesn’t matter anymore.” Kyle stands up and stretches. “What matters now is that we deal with those six graders before those dumbasses get hurt.”  
  
Kyle watches as Kenny visibly perks up. Kyle walks over to an old cedar chest. He opens it and pulls out a Mysterion costume. He tosses it to Kenny while making his way towards the stairs.  
  
“Suit up. It’s time to hunt some six graders.”  
  
Kenny grins.  
  
———  
  
Night had fallen and the bustling nightlife came out. No one notices the two figures perched on top of the store called Jimbo’s Guns.  
  
Commotion was heard from the alleyway next to the shop. The two figures peer into the alleyway. They see three six grades. One leaning on the wall of the shop they are standing one, and the other two are leaning on the dumpster.  
  
The six graders’ conversation was only loud enough to be heard over the bustling city.  
  
“You guys got the stuff?” The boy who has his own face printed on his shirt said.  
  
“Yeah. It’s been a little harder to get since Darren got his sorry ass arrested.” The boy leaning against the wall said.  
  
“What a dumb cunt.” The third boy commented.  
  
The boy leaning against the wall pushes himself off it to go and stand in front of the boy who has his face on his shirt. The lanky gives the leader a brown paper bag. The leader looks in the bag and smirks while closing it.  
  
“This should give me enough pornos to last a month.”  
  
“Hey! What about us?”  
  
“Shut the fuck up lackey!”  
  
The two figures that watched the exchange jumped off the roof of the building. They land right before the leader.  
  
“What the hell!” The leader shouts out.  
  
“You will be giving that bag to us.” The darker clothed figure states.  
  
“Like hell I am! Boys, get them!” The leader shouts as he steps back to let his lackeys attack.  
  
One boy charges the younger looking boy in dark clothing. However, the boy in darker clothes dodges the upcoming attack. The lackey quickly turns around to see a foot fly to his face. The lackey hears a distinctive crack, and liquid drizzle out of his nose as he falls backwards into the ground.  
  
The dark clothed boy punches on his prey. Delivering a barrage of punches to the older boy’s face. Satisfied with his work, the dark clothed boy gets off of the older boy and watches as his opponent goes unconscious.  
  
“Why the hell are you here Mysterion?” The leader piped up.  
  
Mysterion turns to look at him. He walks closer to the leader but keeps his distance. Mysterion could hear footsteps come closer to him and stop by his side. Human Kite had won his battle. Now there is only one opponent left.  
  
“To bring the justice that this town needs. No matter how small the problem.”  
  
The leader’s face shows one of disgust. Mysterion could see him tighten his grip on the bag.  
  
“Well, do it somewhere else. I’m running a business here and I don’t need you stopping it.”  
  
“An illegal businesses.” Human Kite comments which earns a glare from the leader.  
  
“Fuck off sidekick!” The leader flips Human Kite the bird. “I’m doing what I can to earn some extra cash.”  
  
“I don’t care why you're doing it, but who you’re doing it for. You’re not that smart to be conducting a wide scale drug dealing. And by the way you’re talking it seems as though someone is paying you. So, before you get yourself hurt. Why don’t you tell us who you are working for?” Human Kite deducts.  
  
Mysterion smirks as he watches the leader’s glare hardens. Mysterion always knew Kyle was smart, and he was so glad for that.  
  
“I’m no snitch!” The leader shouts and tries to bolt for the alleyway exit. Unfortunately for him, Mysterion and Human Kite are blocking the way.  
  
The leader tried to push past the two heroes, but a second later he found himself on the ground. He tried to get up, but found that he could no longer move his body.  
  
“What the fuck are you doing to me?!” The leader screams.  
  
“Using the air currents force you to the ground.” Human Kite informes the older boy, while holding out his arm to make it look like his is controlling the wind. In reality, Human Kite is using his psychic powers to force him to stay down.  
  
“So tell us who you are working for.”  
  
Mysterion walks over to the brown bag and picks it up. He opens the brown bag to see its full a powdery off-white with a tint of brown substance in clear plastic bag.  
  
“It’s full of heroin.”  
  
Human Kite clicks his tongue and uses his power to push down on the older boy harder.  
  
“Ow! Cut it out you pussy licker!”  
  
“Tell us who you’re working for!”  
  
“Never!”  
  
“Human Kite. Don’t hurt him. It’s useless. He won’t talk.”  
  
Mysterion walks over towards Human Kite and hands his partner the bag. Human Kite uses his free hand to grasp the bag. Mysterion walks to the dumpster and goes behind it. Not a second later he walks out with a large rope. Mysterion ties up the two unconscious lackeys, and then stands next to Human Kite.  
  
“You want to do the honors Human Kite?”  
  
“Gladly, Mysterion.”  
  
Human Kite gives Mysterion the brown bag. He releases his powers, but the older boy had no time to retaliate. Human Kite instantly knocked him unconscious with a very strong right hook.  
  
——  
  
The Coon and Friends group stood in front of Jimbo’s Guns. Surrounding the Coon is Toolshed, Fastpass, Tupperware, Iron Maiden, Wonder Tweek, Super Craig, Mosquito, and Mint-Berry Crunch.  
  
“Alright we ambush them on three.” Coon alerts the team. He receives words of agreement, a ‘Timmy’ from Iron Maiden, the middle finger from Super Craig, and a ‘gah’ from Wonder Tweek.  
  
“1...2...3!”  The group jump in front of the alleyway entrance, posing.  
  
As they look down the alleyway, they see three unconscious six graders tied up right in front of a dumpster. The Coon squints and sees on the leader’s forehead a green question mark.  
  
“SON OF A MOTHER FUCKING BITCH!”  
  
——  
  
Kyle is getting some binders out of his locker as Kenny talks to him about Butters.  
  
“You should see my little buttercup when he’s embarrassed! It was so cute!! I just want to eat him up!”  
  
“Haven’t you already?” Kyle asks with a bored look on his face. Kyle was sure if he could see Kenny’s mouth he could see a very lustful grin.  
  
“I think you already know that answer. Although, I do have a question myself. Has Stan eaten _you_ up yet?”  
  
Kyle face turns as red as his hair. Kyle was about to retaliate against the boy when he hears someone call his name. He turns around to see Stan walking towards him.  
  
“Hey dude!” Kyle chirps to Stan. Kenny giggles behind him, which earns an elbow to the gut.  
  
“Hey Kyle! Hey Kenny.” Stan stops in front of Kyle.  
  
“How did Cartman’s superhero get together go? Kenny was just telling me about his experience.”  
  
“Ugh. It was so fucking boring without you guys. Cartman was being an asshole to everyone, as usual. Jimmy kept making these terrible jokes, Craig and Tweek were just being an overly romantic couple, which pissed everyone off, and fucking Clyde got too into it. Like seriously, the dude kept making these stupid fucking mosquito jokes and one liners. Craig even hit him once to make him stop. Oh, and don’t get me started on fucking Bradley.”  
  
Kyle looks at his super best friend with sympathy. “That sounds like it sucked balls.”  
  
“I wish you and Kenny were there. It would have made everything better.”  
  
Kyle smiles softly to his friend. He could just imagine all the bullshit that he was put through.  
  
“I wish that I was there. We could make an amazing superhero team.” Both Stan and Kyle smile at the thought.  
  
The bell rings and the group of three make their way to Mr. Garrison’s classroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope that you liked ヾ(＠＾▽＾＠)ﾉ


	3. A Restaurant In Need

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peppermint Hippo meets Buca De Faggoncini with a side of drugs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ NOTE  
> Human Kite and Mysterion are going through the stripper fight not knowing the names of the strippers. I put the names in just to make it easier to write.

Night surrounds the small town. The nightlife is a loud one, everywhere except in the U Stor It storage facility. In the day time it is a storage facility, but at night it is Professor Chaos’ evil lair. Once again, Human Kite found himself in a storage area with Mysterion, Professor Chaos, and General Disarray.  
  
“Did you find anything about the marking, Chaos?”  
  
“Sorry, fellas. I couldn’t find much about them.” Human Kite knew Mysterion was frowning on the inside, because he sure didn’t show his displeasure at the news. “However, I did find something interesting. There has been several sightings of men with the same markings. They have all been seen at the Peppermint Hippo Strip Club. Apparently they all asked for several strippers, but out of all of them there was one name that seemed to be common. A stripper by the name of Classi. Spelled with a little dick that hangs off the C that bends around and fucks the L out of ASS.”  
  
Human Kite smiles so large that his cheeks hurt. He quickly writes down the information. He is just so happy that they have such a great lead.  
  
Mysterion on the other hand was filled with so much joy that he goes over to Professor Chaos and hugs him.  
  
“You have no idea how much this means to me.” Mysterion whispers. “Thank you.”  
  
Mysterion lets go, and walks out of the storage facility with Human Kite behind him. Leaving a dazed Professor and confused General.  
  
———  
  
Standing in front of the Peppermint Hippo Strip Club, Mysterion and Human Kite give each other a look before pushing the door open.  
  
The bouncer barely looked at the two heroes before looking back at his sports magazine. “Beat it kids. Twenty one and over only.”  
  
“Move aside citizen. We must speak to a lady in there.” Mysterion says.  
  
The bouncer once again barely spent anytime looking at the boys before looking back at the magazine. “Get out of here before I fuckin’ throw you out.”  
  
_“We better do what he says, and not cause a scene.”_  
  
_“Smart move Human Kite.”_  
  
The two heroes exit the club. They stand out side for a few minutes pondering about what their next steps should be.  
  
_“Maybe there's a door around back we can sneak into.”_  
  
_“Maybe. Do you want to scout for one Mysterion?”_  
  
_“Sure.”_  
  
Mysterion leaves Human Kite. To make sure he is not seen, Human Kite hides behind one of the tall bushes that are planted in front of the club. He adjusts his gray mask to make sure it is placed correctly over his eyes. After that, he makes sure that none of his red locks are peeking out of his gray hood.  
  
_“I found a small window above a dumpster that we can climb through.”_  
  
_“You think my Kite can fit through it?”_  
  
_“You should probably take it off before you try to climb through.”_  
  
Human Kite made a noise of annoyance before taking off his kite. Once off, Human Kite makes his way to where the dumpster is. It doesn’t take long for him to find it. He sees Mysterion on top of the dumpster.  
  
_“This window leads into the men’s bathroom. It seems like there is only a drunk guy in it.”_  
  
_“Alright.”_  
  
Human Kite notices a pile of garbage piled up on the side of the dumpster. Although he is disgusted, Human Kite climbs the garbage to get on top of the dumpster.  
  
_“I will go in first, then hand me my kite.”_  
  
_“You sure?”_  
  
_“Positive.”_  
  
Going in feet first, Human Kite squeezes through the window with ease. He checks around the bathroom, and there is a guy by the urinals. But Human Kite soon realizes that he is not a threat to their mission due to being very intoxicated.  
  
_“Hand me my kite.”_  
  
_“On the way.”_  
  
Human Kite forces himself not to roll his eyes at Mysterion’s comment. He grabs his kite and slips it effortlessly on. He watches as Mysterion comes in feet first. He lands gracefully on his feet. It reminds Human Kite of a cat.  
  
“What are you a leprechaun?~” The drunken man slurs as the two heroes walk by.  
  
Human Kite doesn’t even glance at him he knows the mans attention is instantly back in himself when he sways and stumbles a bit.  
  
The boys exit the bathroom to witness strippers twerking in people’s faces., and giving people lap dances.  
  
_“Alright, we made it inside.”_  
  
The boys surveillance the area to find that most of the dads in South Park are here with a few single gentlemen.  
  
_“I must be strong for my Buttercup!”_  
  
_“Ahem, Mysterion. We’re here to find Classi, not gain a lap dance from a stripper.”_  
  
_“Oh-ah Yes. Thank you for that Human Kite.”_  
  
_“What a dumbass.”_  
  
_“Heard that.”_  
  
_“Thought it loud enough so you could.”_  
  
_“Fucking dick.”_  
  
_“Whatever Mysterion. Let’s TALK to some of the strippers and see if they can tell us anything about Classi.”_  
  
_“Alright Human Kite, let’s split up to cover more ground.”_  
  
_“Okay. Let’s meet by the VIP Entrance.”_  
_  
_ “Move out.”

  
Human Kite feels Mysterion’s presence vanish from his side. He turns to see Mysterion making his way towards Stephen Stotch. Human Kite sighs and makes his way towards the nearest stripper.  
  
“Excuse me Miss-“  
  
“Daycare is behind the bar, sweetie.”  
  
The African American stripper ignores Human Kite to keep swaying her hips. Human Kite pouts a bit and walks to a caucasian stripper right in front of the stage.  
  
“Ahem. My name is Human-“  
  
“Hey, aren’t you a little too young to be in here?”  
  
The stripper cuts off Human Kite then walks off to a table. Human Kite starts to grow a little irritated that no one is listening to him. He makes his way further into the club to find a fat caucasian stripper.  
  
“Look Lady, can you-“  
  
“Come back when your 21 and I’ll let you suck on my implants.”  
  
Human Kite lets out a frustrated groan. He turns to make his way towards the VIP section to see Mysterion already there waiting for him. He makes his way over.  
  
“No luck?”  
  
“If you call only getting out two words lucky? Then, I’m swimming in luck.”  
  
“Well I see someone woke up on the wrong side of the stage.”  
  
Human Kite smacks Mysterion upside the head.  
  
“Alright I deserved that. But seriously, if none of the strippers out here are not willing to talk then let’s talk to Classi herself.”  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“The DJ has been asking for someone to buy him a drink for the last couple of minutes. Let’s make him something so strong where he’ll pass out. That will leave the DJ table, and more importantly the microphone wide open for us to summon Classi.”  
  
“Who knew Mysterion could come up with such a great plan.”  
  
“Who knew Human Kite was such a dickwad.”  
  
“Tou-fucking-ché. Now let’s fucking make a drink.”  
  
Human Kite and Mysterion give each other a look as they split up. Human Kite makes his way to the bar while Mysterion goes into the kitchen.  
  
“Pick your poison big guy.”  
  
Human Kite mentally face palms at the bartender giving him alcohol even though he is obviously underaged.  
  
“Give me some Gin and Tonic.” Human Kite says.  
  
“Enjoy the titty show.”  
  
Human Kite rolls his eyes. He makes his way into the kitchen to see Mysterion.  
  
“So what did you find?”  
  
“Some Buggers n’Cum, and rat shit.”  
  
They mix the ingredients into the Gin and Tonic.  
  
“You think that’s good enough to knock out the DJ?” Human Kite questions.  
  
“No. I think it needs one more thing.”  
  
“Well a stripper said that there was a daycare here. Maybe we can get the kid to fart in it.”  
  
“Good idea.”  
  
The two boys exit the kitchen through a door that leads behind the bar. As they walk they see a baby under the counter in a seat.  
  
“Well were not getting him to fart in the cup that’s for sure.”  
  
“Well, any other ideas all mighty Mysterion.”  
  
“Okay, first of all, no need to be sassy. Second, look closely he’s drooling, and he has some puke left on his face. Let’s use it.”  
  
“You my friend are a disgusting genius.”  
  
“I have my moments.”  
  
Mysterion scoops some puke and drool into the cup. The two heroes look at the drink, with satisfaction. They hurry back into the main floor, and make their way over to the DJ. Human Kite, with drink in hand, sets the drink on the DJ booth. The DJ looks happily at the drink.

“Aalll right! Someone finally bought the DJ a drink! That’s really nice of you,” the DJ grabs the glass and swiftly lifts it to his mouth. He chugs the entire drink. “That went down really good. The DJ sure does appreciate it.”

A moment later the DJ’s face contorts and his hands fly to his stomach. His face turns an ugly shade of green. Mysterion and Human Kite smirk at the reaction.

“Uuugh….Oh...Oh man, I think someone puked in my drink, guys. I’ll be right back. Be sure to tip your waitress-”

The two superheros watch as the DJ sprints to the bathroom. Then, they make their way behind the booth. There is a stool behind the booth that both heroes look at.

“Mysterion, you want to do the honors?”

“Gladly.”

Mysterion steps onto the stool and adjusts the mic to his level. He clears his throat and in his best impersonation of the DJ he says, “Aalll right guys, put your hands together. Be sure to tip your waitresses. Things are about to get sexy up on the main stage. Please welcome CLASSSIII…”

Everyone stops and stares at the the stage. The whole room is now in silence. It is empty on the stage. Mysterion and Human Kite share a look. Both slightly panicking. Mysterion clears his throat, but this time it resonates throughout the strip club.

“Uhh, that’s right, guys, let’s get her on out here. That’s Classi with an I and a dick that fucks the L out of the A-S-S. Give it up for the one and only Classi!”

 Instantly, a black women steps out on stage. Hands on her hips, and a march in her step, she angrily moves into the boys view.

“Ay, what you callin’ me out for?! I ain’t on stage yet,” She shoots a heated glare at the DJ booth. The heroes watch as she points a finger at them. “Wait a minute! You ain’t the DJ!”

Mysterion hops off stool and nods his head to Human Kite.

_“This must be her, Human Kite.”_

_“Hey, isn’t that the lady that was with Jimmy at the Gun Show?”_

_“Holy shit, you’re right!”_

“Aww, shit, it’s the 5-0! Cops are here!”

Classi turns and runs back behind the stage. The two heros race after her, but Human Kite can’t help but think how in hell did she think that they are cops. Human Kite follows Mysterion up the stairs of the stage and behind the curtain. They both hesitate for a second as they see two doors. Human Kite spots a star on the door to the right. The door reads ‘Dressing Rooms.’

“This way!”

Human Kite turns the doorknob and bursts into the room. Mysterion behind him. He looks around the room and spots Classi all the way on the other side. He tries to make his way over to her but can’t get around the dressing strippers.

“They after me, ladies! Stop ‘em!”

Human Kite hears Classi shout. He takes another swift look around the room to see all the strippers are now facing himself and Mysterion, with heated glares. The strippers Human Kite and Mysterion shout about their entry into the changes rooms and how they will defend Classi. However, the strippers near the heroes grab some heels and throw it at them. Human Kite uses his psychokinesis powers to stop the shoes dead in their tracks. He takes a quick glance to see that Mysterion avoids the shoes as well. He throws the shoes back at the strippers, causing them to back up. Now before the two boys stands two strippers known as Fuchsia and Paris.       

_“I’ll take the blond one, you take the brunette.”_

  _“Goodluck Kite.”_

 Human Kite stands before the boney woman. He takes count that she has a pointy red heel in each hand. He also takes note that they look incredibly sharp.

 “I’m going to fuck your shit up kid.”

 Human Kite smirks at the comment. He would like to see her try. The woman, with a precise accuracy, throws the shoe at Human Kite’s head. He sticks his hand out and the shoe, once again, stops in mid air. He throws the shoe back, and like before, aiming it at her feet. She stumbles and falls. 

“Little fucker,” she curses. “Using the goddamn wind against me.”

Human Kite wants to facepalm, but refuses to do so. He just can’t believe that they easily buy that he is using the wind when it’s obvious that there is no strong air current in the room. He shakes his head and focuses. He quickly picks Pairs up with his powers and flings her into the upcoming stripper known as Esmeralda. Both falling to the floor unconscious. He turns to see that Mysterion has defeated Fuchsia and is fighting against Blaze. At the edge of the room, Classi stands ready to leave the room. She stops and yells out before leaving.

“Oh you little bastards done fucked up. Go get ‘em Bootay!”

Suddenly, the room starts to shake. Everything on shelves fall, the chairs collapse onto their sides, and Human Kite watches as the wall of the dressing room shatters. Dust flies everywhere, and Human Kite has to squint to see the enormous figure standing within it.

In a deep voice the woman says, “Hey honey. You ain’t ready for this bootay.” She swings around her body fat. “Imma crush you with my booty cheeks.”

Human Kite couldn’t help the shiver of disgust that went through him at the image of being squashed under them. He watches as the large woman runs across to the room to where they are. She stops just several feet away from them, jumps, and breaks the chair underneath her. Human Kite freezes as Bootay tries to get up. Suddenly, he feels his arm jerk in the opposite way he is looking. He turns to see Mysterion pulling him away from Bootay. 

_“Run!”_

Human Kite’s legs finally regester and now both are sprinting away. Mysterion lets go of Human Kite’s arm, stopping in the process. Human Kite notices and stops as well.

_“Mysterion, what the hell are you doing?”_

_“Distracting them! Hurry up and follow Classi!”_

_“You better not die! I don’t give a shit if you can come back. Just don’t do it.”_

_“No promises.”_

Human Kite takes off and uses his powers to clear a path to the door. He pushes the bar on the door and the door opens. He gives Mysterion on last glance before exiting the building.

 

\----

 

Human Kite steps outside and the night air felt like a slap to the face. He spots Classi banging on a door that goes to Buca De Faggoncini.

“Ay! Let me in you asshole. The cops are here!” 

A man opens the door. He looks like a member of one of those American-Italian Mafia members, from those old Mafia movies. 

“What? Get Inside.”

He pulls Classi inside and closes the door. He whips out a gun and stands in front of the door like a guard. Human Kite walks over and stops a few feet short of the man.

“Go on, scram! I ain’t afraid to use this thing…”

He points the gun to the sky and shoots. Human Kite hears a snap and looks up to see a large sign become unstable and drop. Quickly, he lifts his hand and uses his psychokinesis to stop the sign just above the man’s head. The man looks up and drops his gun. He yells and points at the sign that was hung just over his head. He urgently opens the door and runs in, slamming the door behind him.

Human Kite can feel his mind start to ache. The large sign is just too heavy from him. He can feel sweat start to form. He struggles to move the sign from its place. He concentrates on keeping the sign suspended in air. He notices that there is a spot to the left which is vacant. He slowly moves the sign to the spot. Just in time because the sign breaks out of Human Kite’s control. He drops to the ground and takes in air, as if he had just been drowning. He hears the door from the strip club open. He hears the footsteps race to him. He can feel Mysterion sit next to him.

“You okay Kite?”

“If you call lifting a thousand pound sign with your mind okay? Then, I’m a fucking fabulous.”

Mysterion spots the sign, but smiles softly at his friend’s comment. He’s just glad that Human Kite is okay.

“How did you get away from that spontaneous Bootay?” Human Kite pants.

“Let’s get say that the owner did not like seeing another hole in the wall.”

After Human Kite catches his breathe, they both stand and straighten out their costumes.

“Any idea where Classi is?”

“Yeah, she is inside Buca De Faggoncini. A guy let her inside. He looked like a mafia member, you know like from those old tv shows.”

“Alright, let's get going.”

The heroes make their way inside. Looking around, they observe families enjoying their dinners.

_“What I would give for some food right now.”_

_“Focus Mysterion. And try not to drool.”_

_“Fucking asshole.”_  

The two heroes slowly make their way across the restaurant. Overhearing conversations on their way. They are mostly about the cheesing incident that happened not to long ago.

Human Kite spots a waiter standing next to the door that clearly leads into the back of the restaurant. He was about to go and get closer, but stops when he sees Mysterion freeze.

_“No. Fucking. Way.”_

_“What?”_

_“Look two tables down.”_

Human Kite obeys the command to see what he fears most. There sitting in a booth is The Coon, Toolshed, Mosquito, and Tupperware. Human Kite wants to go over there and scream at them. He wants to tell them off, scold them, or at least inform them on how fucking ridiculous they’re being.

_“CHRIST! I’m going to kill them!”_

_“Human Kite stand down. We are heroes. We kill no one.”_

_“This is total bullshit though. How come they always have to get in our fucking way. They will stop us as we walk by. What the fuck are we supposed to do?”_

Options run through Human Kite’s mind. He starts to calculate every possible way to sneak around them without being stopped or seen. He doesn’t notice Mysterion walking over to the table of misfit heroes. He breaks from his thoughts when he hears The Coon shouting Mysterion’s name. Human Kite is by Mysterion’s side in an instant.

“Ay! What the fuck are you doing here with your lame ass sidekick, Mysterion?” The Coon questions.

_“I don’t think I should talk. Stan or Fatass will recognize me instantly.”_

“Classified. What are you doing here Coon and Friends?”

_“Good idea Kite. Leave the talking to me.”_

“I don’t need to fucking tell you, you piece of shit.” 

“We’re here to eat. Coon forced us after one of his shitty meetings. Saying we can’t fight crime on an empty stomach.”

“Shut the fuck up Toolshed!”

“And he’s making me pay for it.”

“You too Tupperware!”

Human Kite looks away trying not to laugh at The Coon’s misery. He looks at the entrance way to the restaurant. He nudges Mysterion, then points at the door. Mysterion nods in understanding.

“Have any of you seen a black lady who looks like a stripper exit the restaurant?”

“Got to be more specific. You’re basically describing Tupperware’s mom.”

Human Kite rolls his eyes at Mosquito’s comment, but smirks when Tupperware smacks him on the back of his head.

_“They probably haven’t seen her exit then. Judging by the confused face Toolshed is sporting.”_

_“You’ve always could read Stan like an open book.”_

_“Super best friends remember. Anyway, she’s probably in the back.”_

“We’ll just be taking off then.”

Human Kite and Mysterion start to walk away, but The Coon doesn’t allow it. He pushes Toolshed out of the booth and grabs onto Mysterion’s cape. Mysterion and Human Kite stop and turn to look at the four unofficial heroes.

“I’m not letting you fucking leave. I’m the hero in this town Mysterion, and I won’t let you take that from me.”

“You don’t know what you’re dealing with Coon.”

Mysterion rips his cape out of the Coon’s hands. Both him and Human Kite turn to walk to the back door. Human Kite quickly goes over to the waiter and complains that The Coon and Friends are disrupting their dinner. The waiter leaves to go and take care of the problem. Human Kite and Mysterion smirk at the group before they enter the door to the back room.

 

\----

 

_“Nice work Human Kite.”_

_“As always Mysterion”_

The door leads them to the kitchen. The heat of the room makes Human Kite uncomfortable. He spots a large stack of flour on the floor.

_“We can hide behind the flour over there.”_

_“Good thinking.”_

They scurry to get behind the large stack of flour. They can hear the head chef yelling at the kitchen staff. 

_“What now? These guys look dangerous. I’m pretty sure they’ll fight us if they see us here. That or at least inform the others that we’re here.”_

_“Hey, do you think you can use your powers to rip open the flour?”_

Human Kite looks at the flour. His eyes widen as he starts to follow Mysterion’s train of thought.

_“To make a smoke screen. Have I ever told you that you’re a genius?”_

_“Yes, but a disgusting one.”_

Human Kite starts to concentrate on lifting the bags of flour. One by one, he lifts them all and places them across the ceiling. The head chief, however, sees this and becomes angry. Saying some curse in Italian, he marches over to the two heroes.

“Now!” Mysterion yells.

Human Kite rips the bags and flour is spread throughout the room. Human Kite uses his powers to keep all the flour in the air. He also makes a tunnel to the other side of the room. Using the tunnel, they get to their destination. They spot the door that they need to go through, however, it’s barricaded barrels. Human Kite uses his Psychokinesis to lift the barrels. Mysterion and Human Kite hurry under them. Once safe on the other side, Human Kite drops his Psychokinesis. The whole room is now white and so are the cooks. Human Kite snickers as they cooks comment that Human Kite used the wind to keep the flour in the air.

“Lets go.”

Mysterion opens the door and enters. Human Kit is right behind him, but before he closes the door he spots four misfit superheroes gawking at him on the other side of the room.

 

\----

 

“Crap, Mysterion we’ve got-” Human Kite cuts himself off as he takes a look around the room.   

On a shelving unit are clear containers full of a off-white powder substance or syringes. To Human Kite it looks like a sea of these containers. He looks over at Mysterion who is also in shock. 

“So, I guess we now know who the six graders are working for.”

Mysterion goes up to one of the containers and opens it. It is one that had both a syringe and powder. He inspects both of them to confirm their suspicions. He looks back at Human Kite and nods.

“The people who are now holding Classi are also the center of the heroin and drug epidemic of South Park.”

Mysterion puts the container back on the shelf. Both him and Human Kite are in shock at this new revelation. Human Kite starts to pace.

“Okay, okay, wow. Darren, the ex-policeman, gets involved with the Italian Mafia in town. Which also happen to be the center of the drug dispersion. And to top it all off, somehow this stripper named Classi, is involved. This isn’t making any sense. Why would Darren get involved in the mafia drug circle when he used to be a cop? His morals wouldn’t allow him. And why is Classi involved?”

Before either hero could continue, the door to the kitchen opens to reveal The Coon and Friends.

_“Shit, I forgot about them.”_

“What the fuck is this?” Toolshed screeches. 

Human Kite uses his powers to slam the open door behind them. He glares at The Coon, knowing that it was his idea for them to follow Mysterion and himself.

“Get the hell out of here now Coon,” Mysterion yells. “We have no time for your pretend hero game!" 

Human Kite nods vigorously. He watches as The Coon glares at Mysterion and himself.

“For your fucking information, we aren’t pretending. It’s you guys that are pretending! I bet all that is fake heroin and shit that you guys placed so that you guys can look like heroes!”

Human Kite pinches the bridge of his nose. They don’t have time to be dealing with these four. They need to be going after the mafia drug lords and Classi. So he goes over to the only other door in the room and put his cloth covered ear next to the door. He can faintly hear the laughing between the mafioso men.

_“Mysterion, we need to go now or else we might not have any other chance. Their guard is down.”_

Mysterion sighs and looks at the four. He musters up a very heated glare, hoping it will shake them. 

“Stay. Here.”

With that he makes his way over to Human Kite, who nods. Human Kite puts his hand on the nod and twists it.

_“3...2...1...Go!”_

The two heroes burst through the door grabbing the attention of everyone in the room. There are four men sitting around a table playing poker, with Classi behind them watching. Kyle uses his powers to slam the door shut.

“See, I told you the cops were chasing me!”

The man sitting right in front of Classi, turns around and glares at her.

“And you lead them here, you stupid bitch?!”

“Uh-Uh, who you calling a stupid bitch?! Do I look like your mama!” Classi says while waving a finger in the air.

All the while, Human Kite and Mysterion watch from the entrance way. The man on the left of the table looks them over, questioning if they are really cops. However, the man with his back facing the two heroes, looks over his shoulders. His eyes widen with realization.

“That ain’t no cop...That’s Mysterion and his new sidekick…..” The man trails on.

“Human Kite is my name and you better remember it,” Human Kite smirks. He lifts his hand as if summoning the wind. “Because it’s the name of the hero who put you all in jail. 

“Well if they aren’t cops-Then we can shoot ‘em. Along with **_THIS_ ** bitch too!” The man on the left says.

The four men pull out guns. Three aim at the young heroes while the one on the left circles to get behind them. With his gun out he nudges for Mysterion and Human Kite to go by Classi.

_“Follow his lead. They are all going to stand on one side of the room. It will be easier for me to use my powers, and easier for you to get close to Classi.”_

Mysterion nods and follows Human Kite’s lead. Standing next to Classi, he watches as the four mafiosos stand in a line on the other side of the room.

_"How did you know that they were going to do that.”_

_"Saw it in an old mafia movie.”_

With his gun pointing at Mysterion’s head, the man that knows of Mysterion says, “So long...Mysterion.”

At that moment, Human Kite whips his hand forward. As if, like a chain reaction to his movement, the mafioso men fly into the way. Mysterion rushes forward and grabs the dropped guns. Human Kite walks towards the men, using his psychic power to push them into the wall. The pressure increases with every step he takes. Now, standing before the men, he keeps his arm out. He looks back at Mysterion to see that he has Classi with her back pressing against a wall. The guns on the floor underneath the table.  

“Alright, alright, shit! Look, all I know is that there’s a kingpin trying to get now high-grade drugs on the streets! It’s somebody trying to bring the Italian and Chinese crime families TOGETHER and shit.”

“Tell us about Darren and that tattoo he has on his right forearm.”

“Darren? That motherfucker? Hell, I got a years worth of information on him.”

“Then you’re coming with us,” Mysterion turns to Human Kite. “Once I escort Classi out, destroy the-”

Mysterion stops as he sees the door falls off its hinges. Standing in the doorway is Toolshed and behind him are The Coon, Mosquito, and Tupperware. The group have wide eyes as they take in the scene.

“Holy fucking shit.” Mosquito mumbles out.

Human Kite’s hold on the four men lessens because of his surprise at seeing the four boys. Because of this, one of the four men (The one on the left) takes out another gun and aims it at Mysterion. A loud ‘bang’ resonates throughout the room. Before Mysterion’s face is a bullet hanging in the air. Human Kite using his powers to keep it there. With one hand on the bullet, he uses the other to push the men hard into the wall. He takes the bullet and embeddeds it into the wall near the man’s, who shot, face.

“I-I can’t believe he is u-using the wind against us.” One of the men chokes out.

Human Kite looks at Mysterion then nods, as if signaling him to carry out the mission.

“Classi, Coon, Toolshed, Tupperware, and Mosquito you’re coming with me.”

“What about your partner?” Toolshed questions and Human Kite refuses to acknowledge that his hearts is skipping beats.

“Go. Now.”

With that, the six of them are out the door. The only ones left in the room are Human Kite and the four men. Human Kite holds his right arm, that was once holding a bullet mid-air, so that it looks like he is using the wind to make the guns float out from underneath the table. He also rips the gun out of the man’s hand. He flies the guns out of the room and drops them. Still holding his left arm out, he holds out his right arm once again, but this time bottles float. Human kite floats the eight bottles over the men, then drops them. He drops them with so much force that it causes the men to go unconscious. He smiles at his work then sets off to catch up with Mysterion.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, this is my favorite chapter.


	4. The Enemy Of My Enemy Is My Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talks with Classi. Getting closer to the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took so long to write.

“Uh Mysterion, I know we have this silent truce and all, but why are half of The Coon and Friends here as well?” 

Inside of a U Stor It, sitting around a light blue coffee table, are The Coon, Tupperware, Mosquito, Toolshed, Human Kite, Classi, and Mysterion. Mysterion looks at Professor Chaos and General Disarray. 

“I’m sorry Chaos. The circumstance called for this,” he tries to give Professor Chaos his best look of apology. He turns to Human Kite. “Did you contact the police?”

Human Kite just nods. Mysterion then surveys the crowd. He is upset that The Coon has thrown a wrench in his plans. Even more so with bringing the rest of The Coon and Friends into this.

“Ay, faggot, tell us what the hell is going on.”

“Not until I get my information from Classi. Are you ready to fess up about Darren?” 

“Yo, you ain’t getting shit from me until I know I’m safe. Those bitches are going to be looking for me.”

“Who is looking for you Classi?”

“Am I safe, hoe?”

Taking initiative, Human Kite goes over to the closed door of the U Stor It unit. He tries to lift the door, but the active lock on the door refuses. He then gives a deadpan look to Classi.

“Alright, Alright, shit. The 5-0 are after me. They afraid of my knowledge. I know all the shit that happens on the streets. Especially, about this big shot white boy that is runnin’ all the drugs and all the hookers and shit recently. Says shit about getting rich off it. Don’t get me started about his hoe girlfriend.”

“Focus Classi,” Mysterion tries to get her back on task. “What about Darren Dickinson?”

Human Kite hears a giggle from Mosquito, which is quickly replaced by a moan of pain thanks to Tupperware smacking him upside the head. 

“Oh, that bitch. He was a messenger for that white boy. Hell everyone at the station is a messenger for the white boy. Darren just messed up too many time. Like getting some six graders in town to sell the shit.”

_ “Wait, is she telling us that the cops are in on this whole drug circuit?” _

“So you’re telling us that the cops are in on the drug dealing?” Mysterion asks, voicing Human Kite’s thoughts.

“Hell ya I am. Cops practically runnin’ it.”

“What about the markings on his arm?”

Classi’s eyes harden. Her face becomes emotionless. Frankly, it scares Mysterion and Human Kite.

“That’s somethin’ deeper, you know what I’m sayin’. Everyone of those guys got one, but nobody talks about it.”

“Thank you for the information Classi. You are welcome to stay here, only if Professor Chaos doesn’t mind.”

Mysterion, Human Kite, and Classi look at the supervillain. The villain looks at each one of them before he sighs and nods. Not wanting to fight with anyone, especially the easily angered black woman. 

“Thanks short stuff.”

“Now as for you four.” 

Mysterion watches as three of the four straighten up in there seats as he addresses them. 

“What the hell were you thinking? I told you to not fucking enter the room.” To Human Kite, it sounds like a mother scolding her children.

“Fuck you Mysterion, you piece of shit. Nobody can tell The Coon what to do.”

“Are you fucking-” Mysterion halts as he feels a hand on his shoulder. He follows the hand to find that it is Human Kite’s. 

_ “Mysterion, calm down. Coon is just riling you up. Remember to keep your cool. And go easy on them dude. I’m pretty sure everyone but Cartman just wanted to help us out.”  _ Human Kite takes his hand off of Mysterion’s shoulder.

_ “You’re right Kite and thanks. Weird. This feels reversed.” _

_ “Oh, fuck off.” _

Mysterion takes a deep breath. He musters up his most disappointed look and says, “Go home and pretend that nothing fucking happened. This isn’t some stupid ass pretend game. Now leave and speak to no one about this.”

Three of the four stand up to leave. The Coon just sits and glares at Mysterion and Human Kite. 

“I’m not fucking leaving until someone in this shithole explains to me what the fuck just happened back in Buca De Faggoncini!”

“Stop trying to push your way into this investigation! Just leave it to the professional superheroes!”

“Oh, yeah, you guys are the professional superheroes. It just so happens, Mysterion, that we have a connection with Netflix.”

Mysterion glares at Coon. Shock and bewilderment take over as he processes what the Coon just said.

“Are you a fuckin idiot? Getting a connection with Netflix doesn’t make you a superhero.”

“Yes it does, you son of a bitch. Then how do you explain Daredevil or Iron Fist.”

“Those are fake superheroes. Have you ever heard something called comic books? And actual superheroes help the fucking town. Not sit around and pretend to make a fucking difference.”

Suddenly, Tupperware is in between Mysterion and the Coon. 

“Privileged,” Tupperware turns to the Coon. “Privileged. Settle down now. You’re both privileged white boys.”

Mysterion holds back a laugh, trying to keep his face as neutral as possible. Mysterion hears a couple other people laugh. 

“It’s getting late and it’s a school night. I rather not be bitched at when I get home. So if you will excuse me and Clyde, we will just be going home now.” 

With that Tupperware and Mosquito exit the U Stor It storage unit. Toolshed gets up and takes Coon by the arm. 

“Aye! What the hell do you think you’re doing Toolshed?”

“Going home before you cause us even more trouble.”

Toolshed drags a screaming and kicking Coon, but before he leaves his eyes lock onto Human Kite’s. They hold each other’s stare until Toolshed breaks it to exit the unit. Human Kite swears his heart is beating faster than normal.

“Come on Kite, let’s go.”

With that, Mysterion and Human Kite exit the storage facility and go their separate ways.

 

\--- 

 

Kyle wakes to his alarm beeping next to his ear. He groggily reaches over to his alarm clock and switches the alarm off. He reluctantly pulls the blanket off him and walks slowly over to his closet. Changing out of his alien pajamas and into his usual attire. He grabs his ushanka and makes his to the bathroom. In the bathroom he looks in the mirror, staring at his hair. He sighs in disgust at how tangled and unmanageable his hair is. He puts on his hat, pushing all the exposing red hair behind his hat. He walks out of the bathroom and walks down the stairs. 

“And now the news program that starts your day off right. GOOD MORNING SOUTH PARK!”

Kyle turns his head towards the television to see the news on. He goes and sits down at the table that’s next to the television. Ike’s already there eating cereal.

“Good morning Bubbie” Sheila goes over and places a bowl of cereal in front of him. “Did you sleep well?” 

“Yeah, slept great.” 

He listens to the television as he eats. 

“Good morning, South Park!” A man with a monotone voice announces. “Mysterion took to the streets last night and had single-handedly taken down the Famboni crime family. Here with more is a midget in a bikini.” 

The screen switches to a tiny man in a bright pink bikini standing in front of the horde of people outside of Buca De Faggonici. 

“Tom, I’m standing outside the Buca De Faggonici where the vigilante declared war on crime in South Park. Security-camera footage showed Mysterion battling it out with four mafioso men- it was just terrifying.”

The image flips to two injured men, that seem drunk. “The kid came in and just...just started punching people!” The man flails his arms as the other man speaks up. “It was outta nowhere, man.”

The screen changes to a woman,”Maybe someone’s finally standing up to what’s wrong with this city. Mysterion’s a hero!”

The image changes again to an angry looking man. The man gets close to the camera, arms flailing. “The kid’s a menace, if you ask me. How long before he kills an innocent person? How long before Daredevil becomes the Punisher? Huh? Three seasons? THREE SEASONS!”

The screen flashes back to the midget in a bikini. “Police called to the scene found a treasure trove of illegal items that they claim might tie the Italian restaurant to a larger crime syndicate. This may be just the tip of the iceberg.”

The image splits to show both Tom and the midget in a bikini. The announcer further adds, “Certainly chilling stuff and, there were reports Mysterion possibly had a sidekick?”

The midget in a bikini holds the microphone close to his face. “There was thought to be a sidekick, Tom, but further investigation showed it was just some twerp with a kite.”

Tom gains a serious look then says, “Thanks midget, and of course, the question on everyone’s minds now… who is Mysterion?”

Kyle stares at the television as the news goes to a commercial. He slowly opens his mouth and yells, “What the FUCK?”

“Bubbie, language.” Kyle hears Sheila shout from the kitchen and sees Ike’s confused gaze.  

“Sorry, mom.” Kyle shouts back. Than whispers under his breath, “What the fuck.”

 

\---

 

Boots squashing as he steps on the snow. Slowly, Kyle sees the bus stop that he’s come to love. He sees Kenny, Stan, and unfortunately, Cartman. He smiles as he sees Stan and Kenny adamantly talking while Cartman is off to the side trying to weasel his way into the conversation.  

“-and then the guy pulls the trigger while aiming at Mysterion. It was so fucking epic to see- oh, hey Kyle!” Stan cuts himself off to greet his super best friend.

“Hey Stan,” Kyle smiles. “What are you guys talking about?”

Kenny smirks at the question, but before Kenny or Stan could answer Cartman pipes up. “Oh just how fucking lame Mysterifuck and Human Fag are.”

“Shut the fuck up Cartman. You wouldn’t be able to go against Italian mafia like they did.” Stan retorts. He turns to Kyle with a smile. “But, seriously dude, they were awesome last night.”

Kyle wants to laugh and say thanks, but he knows better. So he pulls his most confused face, hoping it looks convincing. Kyle even adds in, “What do you mean by that dude?” 

“He means that he was there, at Buca De Faggonici, last night watching the heroes fight it out with the villains.” Kenny interrupts. 

Kyle turns to look at Kenny. Kyle can see Kenny’s eyes are filling with mischief. Kyle keeps going with his act. He forces his eyes to widen in a fake surprise. He quickly, but not to quickly, whips his head to face Stan. Kyle adds a bit of the dramatics by grabbing Stan’s jacket and shaking the poor boy. 

“Stan, what were you thinking?” Kyle stresses. “You could have been killed in that.”

Stan looks a bit embarrassed at the sudden contact, but quickly tries to console what he thinks is a worried friend.

“Don’t worry Kyle, I’m alright. Everything is okay. We didn’t get involved.”

Kyle tries to pull a more confused face, “We?”

“Me, fatass, Clyde, and Token.”

“Ay! I’m not fat, I’m big boned.”

Before Stan could continue his story, the bus pulls up to the stop. Kyle shoots Stan an irritated grin as to say ‘we can continue this later.’ The boys force themselves on the bus. Kyle moves straight to his spot on the bus. Stan follows right after. The two sit down in their spot. Stan turns to Kyle with excited eyes. 

“Okay, dude, so me, Clyde, Cartman, and Token went to Buca De Faggonici after our stupid meeting…”

The bus drives off.   

 

\---

 

Kyle waits in the lunch line. He looks around trying to spot anyone in line that he at least has talked to before. Sighing as he sees no one, he lets his thoughts wander to the bus ride to school. He remembers how Stan was so excited about telling the story. How in detail his super best friend explained the events. Kyle felt like he was reliving the whole thing all over again. He remembers how Stan explained how cool Human Kite was. It took Kyle everything he had to make sure he didn’t blush. Just the way Stan’s eyes looked sent shivers down his spine. 

_ “So, how was your meeting with Mr. Garrison? _ ” Kyle jumps a bit as Kenny’s voice rips through his thoughts.  

_ “Useless. Why do we have to write an essay about how to tell a prostitute from a policeman? I’d rather write an essay explaining the American Civil War cause and effects.” _

_ “Dude, I’m going to stop you right there. I might speak for the rest of the class when I say that I might actually have to beat the shit out of you if you change the topic.” _

_ “Sorry, Kenny. I just hate not being able to show my full potential, you know?” _

_ “Yes and no.” _

Kyle sighs and takes a step forward. Getting closer to the lunch lady that replaced Chef. 

_ “Whatever dude, so what’s up?” _

_ “Oh, just remembering how my Buttercup was so much like a Twinkie last night. I bit into him and he made some delicious cream.”  _

_ “Gross dude! Say something that’s actually relevant to the situation. Not to your fucking sex life.” _

Kyle could hear Kenny laughing a bit through the mind link.  _ “Anyways, I just wanted to tell you how good your acting was this morning. You really sold it.” _

_ “Thanks,” _ Kyle moves up two more steps. He’s facing the lunch lady. He takes the mush on the plate and walks away. _ “Guess you can say I’m one for the dramatics.” _

_ “I should have known. You’re from Jersey after all.” _

Kyle spots his table. The table consisted of Token, Butters, Kenny, and Cartman on one side. While on the other side sat Clyde, Stan, and Jimmy. Kyle quickly takes his seat next to Stan. 

“What’s up dude?” Kyle asks as he sits down. 

“Just talking about last night.” Stan says to Kyle.

“And the fact that fucking Clyde told everyone in the entire goddamn school.” Cartman chips in.

Token looks to his left and glares at Cartman. Kyle looks to his right, past Stan, to see Clyde holding back tears.

“Cartman, fuck off. One of us was bound to spill it to everyone.” Token tries to reason. This calms down Clyde. 

“So w-w-w-whaaaa… So w-what did you guys think of M-M-Mysterion and Human K-K-Kaahh...Kite?” Jimmy questions.

“Mysterion was so epic. It was so cool seeing him up close and all.” Clyde instantly comments.

“Bunch of fucking assholes, especially Mysterion.” Cartman says bitterly.

“It seemed that Mysterion didn’t do as much as Human Kite. Despite what the news this morning said.” Token says as he analyzes the events last night.

“Seeing Human Kite using his wind powers up close were so cool. He didn’t talk, but he was strong as hell.” Stan says with a smile.

It takes all of Kyle’s energy to not blush. He looks over at Kenny to see him smirking. He glares slightly at the boy.

“W-W-What about you K-K-K-Kenny, K-Kyle? Whaaaa...Whaaaa...What do you think about M-M-M-M-Mysterion and Human K-K-Kaaahh...Kahhh...Kite?”

Kyle tries to play it cool as he looks Jimmy in the eyes. 

“Well, they seem like cool guys from the news reports. I mean Mysterion has already has done a lot for this city, so it’s cool to see him work with someone else.”

“Well it seems you still have a boner for Mysterion.”

Kyle whips his head to Cartman and gives him a heated glare. 

“I do not have a boner for Mysterion.”

“Oh yeah cause you definitely don’t get a hard on from the thought of Mysterion.”

“Shut the hell up Fatass!”

“Aye! I’m not fat. I’m big boned!”

“More like an oversized load!”

“Superhero kink!"

“Walking earthquake!”

“Well, Jimmy, I for one am excited to see more of Mysterion and his new partner.”

Kyle stops his fight with Cartman as soon as he hears Kenny. Kyle gives an unimpressed look to Kenny. 

“Your just excited to fuck the guy.” 

Kenny takes a dramatic gasp after hearing Cartman’s comment. He lifts a hand to his hood and fake swoons into Butters’ shoulder. 

“Cartman, you wound me. How could I possibly fuck such a brooding and handsome man such as Mysterion when I have my sweet and tasty Buttercup right here?”

“Fucking fags,” Cartman mutters.

Kenny, still leaning against Butters, angles his head to look Butters in the eyes. Kenny cringes ever so slightly at the left pale blue eye. Kenny never meant to hurt Butters and he is so thankful to that shitty god that Butters still has vision in that eye. Shaking off his guilt, he smiles under his hood. Remembering how Butters forgave him after the multiple attempts to ask for forgiveness. 

“Hey Buttercup, what do think of Mysterion?”

“Well golly Ken, I’m sorry to say that I don’t quite like that Mysterion fella.”

“Oh? How come Buttercup?”

“W-Well, he’s such a brute a-and he’s really scary and really dangerous.”

“You’re the only one that thinks that Butters.” Clyde chips in. 

“B-But, what about Professor Chaos? He’s really coo-”

Everyone but Kenny says, “Shut up Butters.”

Kenny just shakes his head and mutters, “Rude.”

 

\---   

 

Kyle takes a seat on one of the chairs in the attic, right across from Kenny. 

“Alright Kenny, lets go over what Classi said last night.”

Kenny nods and crosses his legs. He motions for Kyle to start the conversation.

“Well, when we asked Classi about the tattoos all she said something along the lines that the all of the police members have the same tattoo. That this is something “much deeper” and “everyone of those guys.” I’ll have to look into it just to make sure that every cop has one.”

“Okay. So, should we go back to Classi and ask more questions?”

“We are definitely going back to ask more questions. I thought about this a lot last night, and what if Classi knew Darren before he got the tattoo? If so, then she would probably know the date or at least the time period that Darren got his tattoo. I could cross reference on all his social media pages to see what life changing event happened to him. Maybe it could be linked to him getting the tattoo.”

“Dude, that’s seriously thought out,” Kenny pauses and give Kyle a thumbs up. “I like it. But seriously, you should stay here and double check the cops. I’ll handle Classi. Deal?” Kenny holds out his fist.

Kyle looks at the closed fist then smiles. He closes his fist then softly bumps his to Kenny’s. 

“Deal.”

 

\---

 

A clicking is heard throughout Kyle’s room. The light of the computer reflects upon his pale skin. Kyle hits one last key and then the screen displays faces of police officers. Kyle smiles and leans back into his chair.

_ “Okay dude, just hacked into police database. It’s kinda sad how easily you can break into it.”  _

_ “Great work.” _

_ “Thanks.”  _

Kyle quickly grabs the mug full of water that’s sitting on his desk, and takes a sip. He sets it back down of the desk and gets to work. He clicks on each profile and analysis it thoroughly. Kyle clicks onto a familiar face and sighs in relief to know that the quirky Officer Barbrady didn’t have one. He clicks off of Barbrady’s profile and onto another one. However this was not an officer but a detective. Kyle feels as though he has seen him before but can’t really place where. His name is Johnson a 45 year old male with brown hair. He sees on the profile page an extras. There it lists that he has a tattoo on stomach. Kyle moves to pick up his notebook and pen. He writes down all of Johnson’s information, clicks off of Johnson’s profile, and continues. Kyle finds several more men with tattoos until one profile really stands out. Sergeant Harrison Yates. Kyle remembers this man. He has seen him all around South Park. The man even helped Kyle and his friends become detectives. Kyle quickly writes down Yates’ name and information. When he finishes he hurriedly looks the remaining few profiles. A restless feeling flutters in the pit of Kyle’s stomach. That feeling is back again. That uneasy horrible feeling that he knows can’t be good. It’s his ‘Oh-your-psychic-senses-are-tingling’ feeling. Kyle looks at all the names and information he wrote down. He swore under his breath.

_ “Hey Mysterion, did you find anything out about the time period that Darren got his tattoo?” _

_ “Hold one just a second.” _

A few minutes pass, than Mysterion’s voice enters his mind once again.

_ “Classi says he got it around a year ago.” _

_ “Thanks.” _

_ “So did you find anything?” _

_ “I got a theory that I need to look into. If my guess is correct then we are in some deep shit dude.” _

_ “Geez dude, way to sugar coat it. I’m going question Classi a bit more. If you find out more about that theory, let me know.” _

_ “Roger that. Over and out.” _

Kyle opens tabs on his computer and enters a different social media on either of them. He looks up Darren’s profile on each social media. Facebook had nothing useful, and neither did Instagram. Kyle checks Twitter. Kyle digs around Darren’s Twitter for a while until he finds a post a little over a year ago. **“Detective bitches! Suck my nuts, Kevin!”** Kyle writes Darren’s name to the list.  

_ “Mission control, we have a fucking problem.” _

_ “So you didn’t find anything good?” _

_ “Let’s just say that every high ranking officer in South Park has the tattoo.” Kyle gasps as realization struck. “Dude, they’re a fucking cult! The highest positions of law we have here at South Park have banned together to become a fucking cult!” _

_ “Are you fucking kidding me?” _

_ “I fucking wish. Out of all people, the police are the fucking cultists. Ugh, we even knew the tattoo belonged to fucking cultists. But still, I didn’t think that the police were apart of it.”  _ Kyle takes a deep breath and lets it out.  _ “Are you done interrogating Classi?” _

_ “Yeah pretty much. On my way back so we can piece this shithole of a mess together.” _

 

\----- 

 

Mysterion lifts the Stor It unit door open. He sees Professor Chaos and Classi, but no General Disarray. Mysterion walks in and closes the door. 

“Where’s your General, Chaos?”

“Oh- well, Dougie couldn’t make it. He’s spending the night at his grandmother’s.”

Mysterion nods slightly. A silence fills the container unit. Mysterion knew that this would be awkward. Being in a unit with his arch-enemy/boyfriend and someone who he has to interrogate never ends up friendly. Mysterion sighs and makes his way over to the table in the middle of the room. He jesters for Classi to follow. Professor Chaos remains still.

“Alright Classi, so far you complied with us. Are you still willing to do so?”

“Well since you bitches are protecting me then I guess I have no other choice.”

“Very good. As I remember from yesterday, it seemed like you and Darren knew each other very well. Is that correct?”

“Yeah, that bitch would come around the strip joint all the time. Like a regular ya know?”

_ “Okay dude, just hacked into police database. It’s kinda sad how easily you can break into it.”  _

Mysterion pauses for a moment. Kyle’s voice caught him off guard. Mysterion smiles inwardly.  

_ “Great work.” _

_ “Thanks.”  _

“Interesting Classi. Now, did he talk about that tattoo that he has?”

“That little bitch kept his large mouth shut.”

Mysterion tsked. 

“Did he ever talk about his job?”

“All the time. He bragged about how much good he did in this town. Like arresting all the rich black men and women. I said to him like “do you even see who you’re talking too”. He was a racist motherfucker, I’ll give you that.”

Mysterion just nods, “Go on.”

“So I punched him in the face and said, “Oh hell nah, you did not just say that to my face. Hoe, I’m going to beat you senseless.” So then I punched the little shit in the face again. Bloody nose and everythin’. Since this was in the joint, all my girls jumped in. Especially Spontaneous Bootay. She was pissed. So he got banned for like, a few days. The minute he was unbanned, came sprinting in here like a horney bull.”

Mysterion wants to laugh. He really wants to laugh. However he knows he can’t because if he does his cover would be blown.

_ “Hey Mysterion, did you find anything out about the time period that Darren got his tattoo?” _

Mysterion almost jumps. He keeps forgetting about Kyle and his psychic mind shit.

_ “Hold one just a second.” _

Mysterion focuses back onto Classi. He clears his throat. 

“Interesting story Classi. However, we need to get back on track. Do you remember when Darren got his tattoo? Or at least the time period?”

Classi is silent for a minute. Her brows scrunch in concentration. Mysterion can tell she is digging deep to remember.

“I believe it was around a year ago. Can’t be sure since he never mentioned it. But he did talk about a raise or some shit once.”

“Thanks, this is helpful information.”

_ “Classi says he got it around a year ago.” _

_ “Thanks.” _

_ “So did you find anything?” _

_ “I got a theory that I need to look into. If my guess is correct then we are in some deep shit dude.” _

_ “Geez dude, way to sugar coat it. I’m going question Classi a bit more. If you find out more about that theory, let me know.” _

_ “Roger that. Over and out.” _

“Classi, why were you involved with the Italian Mafia?”

“Like I said, I know everything that happens on the streets. They needed that an’ I needed some money for my meds.”

“Basically, you provide them information about the “streets” and they give you money in return?”

“Yea.”

“What was the information about?” 

“Who to sell the drugs to, where the best locations for drop offs and pickups, and where other crime bosses are.”

“So, anything more to tell me?”

“Since you protecting me, I can give you this for free. The asshole had a main bitch. You really looking for shit on Darren, find her. I think her name is Discord or some shit. Saw the two meet a lot at the joint or at least near it. Wasn’t hard to miss. I’m pretty sure he told her everything. But, she doesn’t come ‘round now since Darren got his ass caught by the 5-0. If I were you, I head over to the park ‘round midnight tonight. I heard a lot of shit goes down there and I’m sure Discord’s at it. But be careful though. I heard she can get anyone under her control with just a sentence.”

After Classi stops talking, Kyle’s voice interrupts his thoughts.

_ “Mission control, we have a fucking problem.” _

_ “So you didn’t find anything good?” _

_ “Let’s just say that every high ranking officer in South Park has the tattoo.”  _ There was a quick pause on Kyle’s end.  _ “Dude, they’re a fucking cult! The highest positions of law we have here at South Park have banned together to become a fucking cult!” _

_ “Are you fucking kidding me?” _

_ “I fucking wish. Out of all people, the police are the fucking cultists. Ugh, we even knew the tattoo belonged to fucking cultists. But still, I didn’t think that the police were apart of it.”  _ Kyle is silent for a second then says, _ “Are you done interrogating Classi?” _

_ “Yeah pretty much. On my way back so we can piece this shithole of a mess together.” _

Mysterion’s serious face turns into a cold hard glare. Both information from Kyle and Classi is displeasing to him, but he’s thankful that Classi even gave him that lead.

“Thank you for everything Classi. You as well Chaos.”

With that Mysterion gets up and exits the storage container. The sound of a cape flapping in the wind can be heard making its way towards the Broflovski household.

 

\---

 

Kyle suddenly turns when he feels a breeze on the back of his head. He sees Mysterion sitting on his bed. Kyle grabs the list on his desk then spins his chair to face Mysterion. He holds the list out for Mysterion to take. Mysterion takes the list and looks over the names. 

“Holy Shit!”

Kyle cringes at how loud Mysterion’s voice is. 

“Dude keep it down. It’s like almost eleven thirty at night. Everyone’s sleeping.”

Kyle watches as Mysterion suddenly tenses.

“Say that again.”

“Uh, what? That everyone’s sleeping or that it’s almost eleven thirty?”

“Ah, shit, shit, shit, shit!”

“Dude. I told you to keep it down.”

“Kyle, suit up. We need to go. I’ll explain on the way. I’ll wait outside. Hurry.” 

With that Mysterion exits Kyle’s room. Kyle hopes off his chair and hurries to his closet. He rips off his pajamas and puts on his skin tight light blue costume. He quickly grabs his kite and rushes to the bed. He jumps out of the window and lands on the tree branch. Mysterion climbs down the tree. Human Kite follows after.

  
  



	5. Discord's Debut

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finding out who in South Park is the infamous Discord. 
> 
> Some cute moments. 
> 
> Craig Tucker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE: *pequeña dama = little lady

At the dead of night, in the middle of a basketball court, a short figure stands. In the light of a lamp post, long dull brown hair flows with the slight breeze. The figure looks at the watch on their wrist. Twelve o’clock it read. A taller figure enters the court behind the smaller one. 

“*Peque ña dama, everyone is here.”

“Excellent.”

 

\----

 

_ “Thank fuck that your house is so close to the park, Kite.” _

Human Kite looks to the hero on to the left of him and gives him a deadpan look. Mysterion could only give his friend a smile. Human Kite looks back through the cracks of the wooden bench that is near the pirate ship. He can see a small stature walk into the middle of the basketball court. Human Kite nudges Mysterion. 

_ “Dude, look, this must be Discord.” _

_ “She looks around our age.” _

Human Kite watches as the girl glances down at her watch. Kite spots a taller figure come up behind the girl. He could hear some murmurs coming from the two figures. 

_ “Kite, we need to get closer. Follow me.” _

Human Kite watches as Mysterion darts into the bushes, off to the left of them. He looks back to the court to see a bunch of other silhouettes enter. Human Kite takes note that the amount of people could outline the court a couple times. He looks over to the bushes Mysterion entered. He makes sure no one is looking and darts to the bushes. 

_ “Fucking branches. Getting caught on my kite.”  _

_ “Yes, cause mentally swearing at them is making everything better.”  _ Human Kite could mentally feel Mysterion’s eye roll.

_ “You, my friend, are a serious asshole.”   _

_ “I maybe one, but you know who has the best asshole in town?” _

_ “No, and I really don’t-” _

_ “Butters.” _

_ “Oh, for fuck sake. When we are done with this I’m fucking strangling you.” _

_ “Kinky.” _

Human Kite, silently as possible, walks down the path behind the bushes that leads closer to the bathrooms and basketball court. He sees Mysterion’s figure at the end of the path, and walks up to him. Human Kite gives Mysterion a slap on the back of the head for the comment Mysterion made in their mental discussion. 

_ “Motherfucker. How hard can you slap? I think I’m bleeding.” _

_ “Get over it. You’re Mysterion, now start acting like it. Plus, you die all the time. What’s one simple slap on the back of the head to getting stabbed, mauled, or even hit by a car?” _

_ “My pride, Kite. My pride.” _

Human Kite could only shake his head in utter disappointment. After, Human Kite slowly moves the bushes apart so he can see what was happening on the court. Thanks to the better lighting, Human Kite could now see clearly the figures that are standing on the court.

_ “No. Fucking. Way. Ken-I mean Mysterion. You seeing what I’m seeing?” _

_ “That can’t be.” _

The small figure moves at just the perfect angle so that Human Kite can say with full confidence that he knows that figure. 

_ “That’s Heidi-fucking-Turner! What the hell is she doing here?!” _

_ “I don’t know. But Kite, look at her outfit. That’s definitely a villain looking outfit right there. This just proves that she’s Discord.” _

Human Kite observes the outfit Heidi has on. Her plump body wearing a periwinkle dress over a white bodysuit. Human Kite can barely make out the color of her deep blue boots and gray gloves, but does. Three things stand out to Kite that are on her uniform. One is the gray headgear that reminds Kite of a cage. The second is the bright orange belt that has a white belt buckle and a periwinkle ‘D’ on it. Lastly, The grey shoulder pads with an orange band that keeps the pads in place. It has two white bumps on it. 

_ “But didn’t Classi say that Discord was working with Darren. Who was working for the police. Who is working with the Italian Mafia to distribute drugs all across South Park. Why is Heidi dressing up like a villain, and helping the police? This doesn’t make any sense!” _

_ “Take a breath Kite. We will figure this out. Let’s just listen in on their meeting.” _

_ “Okay.” _

Human Kite stares ahead and sees Discord. She is surrounded by Mexican men all dressed in black with black masks. Human Kite can just barely hear Discord’s conversation with them. 

“José, take those 13 pounders and head to sector 14.”

One of the Mexican men moves from the group over to a large case that’s by the basketball hoop. 

“Juan, you take the 28 pounders and head over to sector 8.”

“B-But Discord-”

“No buts! Or do I have to remind you that if you don’t do what I say, you won’t get the money your family needs.”

_ “Remember how you said that Classi said that Discord has superpowers which enable her to command anyone?” _

_ “Yeah.” _

_ “Dude, she doesn’t have superpowers! She is bribing and blackmailing them to distribute drugs!” _

_ “This is seriously fucked up.” _

Human Kite watches as the man named Juan slowly makes his way over to the container. He feels bad that these men are being manipulated and forced to sell drugs. Human Kite watches as Discord directs some more people. However, as one Mexican looks around bored since his name is at the end of the alphabet, he spots a yellow and red kite. 

“Pequeña dama! There is a cometa in the bushes.”

Human Kite feels his throat going dry. He doesn’t know a lot of spanish, but he does know enough to know that ‘cometa’ means kite. He looks over to see Mysterion looking at the little bit of his kite that is peaking over the bushes. Human Kite looks back over to Discord to see her ordering two men to get it. 

_ “What do we do now Mysterion?” _

_ “Fuck. We should make ourselves known. If we do then we can get more direct information from Discord.”  _

Human Kite watches as Mysterion walks through the bushes and into the open with his hands raised in a ‘I surrender’ motion. Human Kite follows his example. As soon as he walks out, Human Kite takes in the shock that is present on Discord’s face. He will credit her with her ability to recover from the shock quickly. 

“Well, well. Look what we have here. A wanted vigilante and… who are you? Some sad excuse for a sidekick?”

“His name is Human Kite and he’s my crime fighting partner. What are you doing here Discord?”

“How do you know that name?”

“It’s the word on the street. Now tell us what you’re doing here?”

“You must already know from the looks of it Mysterion.”

“I want to hear it from your own damn mouth, Discord.”

“Fine. As you can clearly see with your eyes.” She glares at the two superheroes. “I’m running a business here and you better stay out of it.”

“What? Your illegal business of distributing Heroine to Mexicans so they can make sure all of South Park gets your drugs?”

Human Kite could see Discord grow tense at his observation. So Mysterion and himself were right. However, Human Kite can’t help but feel disappointed at the girl in front of him. He wonders how a nice and ordinary girl like Heidi could become a illegal drug dealer that is known as Discord. He’s going to take a wild guess that it has to do with Heidi dating Cartman. 

“So you guessed it, you knock-off paper airplane. But you don’t have the whole story.” A wicked grins appears on Discord’s face. 

“What’s your connection with Darren Dickinson?” Mysterion questions.

Discord huffs in annoyance, “Let’s just say I needed some inside help. Well, this has been fun, but unlike you fucks I have a schedule to keep. Men, ataque!”

Discord takes off into the sea of Mexicans. Human Kite watches as Mysterion tries to go after her, but there were to many Mexicans in his way. Human Kite looks around him and Mysterion and realizes that they were completely surrounded. As if by magic, the Mexicans one by one had gardening tools in hand. Hedge clippers, rakes, shovels, and a hoe. Suddenly, the men start to lung at Human Kite. He dodges as much as he can but there are too many attacking him. He gets cuts on him from the hedge clippers and hoes. He tries to use his powers, but he loses his focus each time he has to dodge. Suddenly, Human Kite could feel a hard surface collide with his back. It knocks him off balance. He falls to the ground where the Mexicans slam their weapons against him or cut him with the weapon’s sharp edge. He could feel one of them slam their foot against his leg multiple times, especially on his ankle. Through all the pain, Human Kite ignores everything around him. He focuses on lifting and throwing the Mexican men away from from him. Which he does. He slowly gets up and fights through the pain. He looks at Mysterion, who is in a slightly better condition then he is. Human Kite raises his hand and uses his power to push everyone away from Mysterion. Mysterion looks behind him to see Human Kite. 

“Thanks, Kite. I owe ya.”

“Of course. Now let’s just finish this.” 

Human Kite turns around and sees a Mexican in front of him with a hoe. The older man swings the hoe at Human Kite. Human Kite easily dodges. It return, Human Kite uses his powers to throw the man at a tree that was off to the side. Immediately after, Human Kite swings to his right to see three more men aiming their gardening supplies at him. One man attacks him with an open pair of hedge clippers. He dodges that attack, but gets hit with a rake. Human Kite retreats back a bit. He holds out his right hand, and flings it to the side. This rips the weapons the three men had out of their hands. Human Kite then delivers three strong punches to each man’s balls. Once the three men fumble to the ground, he punches them again, knocking them out. 

“It looks like that’s everyone.”

Human Kite turns to the direction of Mysterion’s voice. He could see his friend a little bit more injured than earlier.

“You okay, Mysterion?”

“Yeah, one of the Mexicans got the jump on me. I’m just lucky that I have my firecrackers to distract them. Then I gave him the ol’ one two.”

“I’m just glad all of this is over. Any serious injuries?”

“Only being scared and horney.”

Human Kite punches him hard on the shoulder.

“Dude, not cool. I’m serious. Are you seriously hurt?”

Mysterion just rubs the spot where Human Kite hit him. 

“Some cuts, probably some bruising, and maybe a concussion. How about you?”

“Same for the cuts and bruises. But I’ll probably have a limp tomorrow. Assholes kept stomping on my leg.”

“Oooo, Kite you naughty boy you~”

Human Kite performs a roundhouse kick right into Mysterion’s side. He regrets it instantly when his ankle starts to ache.

 

\----

 

On a rooftop, a distance away from the park, Discord stands. She watches through binoculars as Mysterion helps Human Kite leave the park. She makes a ‘tsk’ noise. She bends down and pulls out an Apple Iphone out of a black backpack that she left on that rooftop earlier in the day. She unlocks the phone and goes onto the telephone app. She punches in a number and hits the green phone button. 

“Hey, it’s me.”

She turns her view onto the U Stor It sign.

“You were right. That bitch squealed like the pig she is.”

Discord listens to the person on the other end of the phone for a bit. Then, she smiles a truly wicked smile. 

“Oh, I like that plan very much."

 

\----

 

Kyle wakes to his alarm beeping next to his ear. He groggily reaches over to his alarm clock and switches the alarm off. He flinches at the pain in his arm. He reluctantly pulls the blanket off him. Through the aches and pains, he walks slowly over to his closet. Changing out of his alien pajamas and into his usual attire. He grabs his ushanka and limps his way to the bathroom. In the bathroom, he looks in the mirror, staring at a cut that he missed at treating last night. He opens up the designated medicine cabinet and grabs a band-aid. He unpeels the wrapping and places the band-aid on the cut. He throws the wrapping out in the garbage and then reaches for the pain relievers. He takes out a pill and pops it into his mouth, swallowing it with ease. Kyle then closes the cabinet. He puts on his hat, pushing all the exposing red hair behind his hat. He limps out of the bathroom and slowly makes his way down the stairs. Then, Kyle limps his way into the kitchen.

“Morning Bubbie. Oh dear, what happened to your face?”

Kyle stares blankly at his mother. Trying to come up with a logical response. An idea pops into his head. 

“I got into a fight.”

“What, what, what?!”

Kyle winces at this mother’s response. _ ‘Okay maybe not the best idea, but it was the most logical one to explain the injuries,’  _ Kyle thinks.

“Who was it Bubbie? Let me call up their parents and make them apologize.”

Kyle shakes his head, “Don’t worry about it mom. He won’t be bothering me anymore.”

Sheila stares at Kyle. He tries not to falter under her gaze. He knows that if he does then she wouldn’t believe his lie.

“Fine, I’ll let it go for now. Only because you seem reluctant to tell me who it is.”

Kyle smiles softly at his mother. 

“Thanks mom.” 

With that, Kyle limps his way over to the cabinet to grab a bowl. He ignores his mother’s wince at his limp. He then goes to grab his cereal. He puts the cereal and bowl on the counter. He goes over to the fridge and grabs the skim milk. He limps back over to his station on the counter. He sets the milk down, then goes and opens the cereal box. He pours his cereal, puts it down, then pours his milk. Once done, he puts everything back in its spot then goes to the table in the living room. With a wince of pain, he sits down next to his brother. He can see out of the corner of his eye Ike look at him with concern. He turns and smiles softly at his brother. Then starts to eat his cereal while watching the morning news.

 

\----

 

When Kyle sees the bus stop, he tries his best not to limp. He doesn’t want to anyone to put two and two together. That and he doesn’t want to worry Stan. However, he unconsciously falls back into a limp. He sees Stan, Cartman, and Kenny turn to see him limp his way over. He just gives his friends and Cartman a smile. He sees Stan’s face contort into an angry frown, Cartman looks like he’s about to die laughing (Kyle’s not sure why), and Kenny’s eyes shine with mischief. Kyle stops dead in his tracks.

“What?”

Cartman starts to laugh in Kyle’s face.

“HA! Seriously, Kahl, I always knew were a faggot!”

“What the hell are you talking about Fatass?”

“Your limping like a little bitch that just got the hardest and most massive fucking in her entire life.”

Kyle’s face flares red. He can’t tell if it’s because he’s embarrassed or pissed off. Probably a bit of both. 

“Shut the fuck up Fatass! I did not get fucked last night!”

However, Cartman ignores Kyle’s attempts and just continues to laugh. 

“That’s it!”

Kyle couldn’t take the laughter anymore so he lunges at Cartman. Fortunately for Cartman, Stan grabs Kyle’s arms.

“Dude, he’s not worth it.”

Stan’s words made Kyle take a breath to try and let out his anger. Kyle just crosses his arms and look at the road for the bus. He’s face still embarrassing red. 

_ “See I told you didn’t I?” _

_ “Fuck off Kenny!” _

Kyle could hear a laugh slip out of Kenny’s hood. Kyle whips his head to Kenny, and glares at him. Stan looks at Kyle, the Kenny, then Kyle, then his eyes finally rest on Kenny. Kenny in response just shrugs his shoulders.

_ “So, what story are we giving them for your limp? And thanks for coming. You got them off my ass for explaining my black eye.” _

_ “Well, I told my mom this morning that I got into a fight. What? Don’t look at me like that. You know as well as I do that I get into fights too easily.” _

_ “Yeah your right. So are we keeping that?” _

_ “It would be easier to just keep going with the same story.” _

_ “Okay, but we have to figure out where and who.” _

_ “Well I was thinking, let’s have it be at a secluded place near your house. We were playing last night I don’t know ninjas or something. Anyways, There were some other homeless kids that were not happy we were on their turf or something. Things escalated and one of the kids threw a punch at me. Then a fight broke out. Which could help explain your black eye. Well after a while the kids back home.” _

_ “Did you just come up this now?” _

_ “Yeah, why?” _

_ “It’s genius.” _

Kyle could feel Stan poke his side. Kyle would have laughed if it weren’t for the fact that right there was a massive bruise. Kyle sucks in air and Stan immediately backs away. Kyle covers his side with his arms and gives Stan a gentle smile. 

“Sorry dude, what were you saying?”

“I was just asking how you got the limp and your other injuries.”

“Oh, well, I was at Kenny’s.” Kyle and Stan turn to Kenny to see him nodding. They turn back to each other. “We were playing ninjas in an abandoned lot. Well, there was these homeless kids that got pissed that we were there. Things got intense after that. You know the usually swearing, bottle breaking, and threats. Well it happened in an instant. One of the kids tried to punch me. He missed then Kenny stepped in and hit the kid in the face. The kid’s friends were not happy, so they joined in. After that, an all out brawl started. We were outnumbered dude, it was horrible. Suddenly, we heard some shouting then the kids scattered. It was weird. After that we went back to Kenny’s house. And the rest was history.”

Stan’s eyes were wide and his mouth gapping. Cartman on the other hand looks suspicious of Kyle’s story. 

“Nah, I’m calling bullshit.”

Kyle, Stan, and Kenny all look at Cartman.

“And why’s that Fatass?” Kenny asks.

“Cause Kinny, jews are liars. So how do I know he’s not lying now?”

“Are you seriously second guessing me cause of some dumbass stereotype against my people?”

“That’s exactly what I’m doing you no-good, dirty, rotten, jew.”

“Don’t you belittle my people Fatass!”

“Penny snitching jew!”

“I’m warning you Cartman!”

“You Christ killing jew.”

“That’s it!”

Kyle lunges at Cartman. He manages to land a punch before Stan pulls Kyle away from the obese boy. Kenny stands behind Cartman just incase he moves to attack. For everyone’s sanity, the bus arrives.

 

\----

 

Kyle and Stan sit in their seat once they get on the bus. Kyle slides in, taking the window seat. Stan sits right next to him. Kyle turns to ask Stan about how his day was yesterday when he lets out a loud yawn. 

“Tired?”

“Yeah, dude. Pain meds always make me drowsy.” 

Stan looks as if he is contemplating something. 

“Then here,” Stan pats his shoulder. “Use my shoulder as your pillow.”

Kyle gives Stan a tired smile.

“Thanks Stan.” Kyle rests his head on Stan’s shoulder. Noting how developed the muscle is. Kyle silently thanks the football team. “This is much better than trying to rest on the window.”

Kyle closes his eyes and can feel sleep take over him.

_ “You guys look so cute. Can I take a picture?” _

_ “Kenny, can you kindly fuck off. I’m actually trying to sleep here. Plus, you don’t even have a phone.” _

_ “Spoil sport. And for your information, I am taking it on Butters’ phone.” _

_ “You better have Butters send me those pictures or else I’m going on a manhunt.” _

_ “Geez, you really woke up on the wrong side of the bed.” _

_ “Sorry. I didn’t sleep much last night. I was thinking over what to do for today.” _

_ “You’re talking about when we see Heidi aren’t you?” _

_ “Yeah. She’s smart. With our injuries, and the timing of everything, she can easily put together that we are Human Kite and Mysterion.” _

“Don’t worry Kyle. I’m here. Everything will be okay.” Kyle can hear Stan whisper. Kyle can feel Stan’s arm wrap around his waist, pulling him closer.

_ “For fuck sake. That was adorable. Almost as cute as Butters.”  _ Kenny pauses for a second.  _ “Your frowning dude. I think he thinks you’re having a nightmare. Smile for him.” _

Kyle shifts and presses his head further into Stan’s shoulder. A smile appears on Kyle’s face. Kyle can’t help but smile at his super best friend and crush’s words.

_ “Well back to our conversation. With our track records, it is possible to convince people we got into a fight with homeless kids.”  _

_ “I thought so too. I’m pretty sure your mask covers your black eye and if I can stop limping, we can so pass it off as a fight with homeless kids.”  _

_ “You think you can fake it?” _

_ “It’s going to be painful, but yeah.” _

_ “I believe it. You’re from Jersey after all.” _

_ “Yeah.” _

Kyle finally let’s sleep consume him.

 

_______

 

“Kyle. Kyle, dude, wake up.”

Kyle feels a nudge on his cheek. However, he just stirs. Trying to get closer to the warmth.  

“Come on Kyle. The bus is at school.”

Kyle still refuses to move from the comfy spot. He grips his hands tighter on the cloth, which he naturally assumes is a blanket. 

“Dude, this is so cute. Butters take some pictures.”

“Sure Ken.”

“You’re an asshole Kenny, and I hope you know that.” A voice that sounds like Stan says.

“More like penetrating an asshole, but thank you anyways for the compliment.”

“You all are some serious fucking homos.”

“Oh fuck off Cartman. Like you haven’t thought of fucking either Butters or Clyde.” The Stan-like-voice says.

“What?!” 

“Calm your tits Kenny. I’ve never thought about fucking those cry babies.”

“Sure like you haven’t thought about it when you were A.W.E.S.O.M.-O. Or how about that time you put your dick in his mouth. And I’m pretty sure you named that frog Clyde just to pretend like you’re fucking the real one.”

_ “Hey, Kyle, I think you should get up now.” _

_ “Ten more minutes.”  _

“No I haven’t you hippie fuck. I’m not a gay unlike you.”

“Didn’t you want Kyle to suck your dick on multiple occasions?” Kenny jumps into the conversation.

Kyle’s eyes shoot open. He straightens his body and glares at the four people surrounding him.

“Well that woke you up.” Kenny snickers.

“Shut the hell up Kenny. I am not sucking anyone’s dick. Especially, not Cartman’s.” Kyle then proceeds to make a vomiting gesture. 

“Yeah, that’s Heidi’s job.” Stan adds. Trying to defend his super best friend. 

_ “Yeah, but you’ll suck Stan’s.” _

_ “No comment.” _

_ “Just imagine you and Stan getting freaky-” _

_ “Dammit Kenny, I said no comment.” _

Kyle could hear Kenny chuckle. Kyle glares at him, however, Kenny just shrugs in response. Kyle stands up from his spot on the bus. Stan does as well. The young group moves to get off the bus. Kyle moving with no limp. Kyle does grab Stan’s brown jacket. Stan turns to face Kyle. Kyle just smiles at Stan and lets go of his jacket.

“Thanks for being my pillow Stan.”

“Anytime.”

Stan turns and moves down the aisle, with a blushing Kyle behind him.

 

\--------------

 

Lunch time rolls around and Kyle is just glad that Heidi hasn’t talked to them. He has noticed that she would look over at Kenny and himself during class with an analyzing gaze. However, that was the most of her advancements for the beginning of the day. 

Kyle is now sitting at his group’s usual lunch table. He would be in line with everyone else, but Stan had offered to get his lunch for him. Kyle looks across the table to see Kenny looking around the cafeteria with a wild and hungry look in his eyes. Kyle just sighs. He does feel bad that his friend has to go everyday with barely any food in his system. But what can Kyle do besides his usual canned food donation that the whole class does for Kenny’s family? Kyle’s just a young boy. 

Kyle’s eyes scan the cafeteria as well. No longer able to watch his hungry friend lust over food. He looks from the goth kids’ table to the girl’s table. He watches as Heidi Turner gets up from the girl’s table and makes her way over to his table.

_ “Turner, ten o’clock.” _

As soon as Kyle says that in the mind link, Heidi sits down next to Kenny. Taking up Cartman’s spot.

“Hi boys, mind if I sit here? I’m waiting for Eric.”

“Sure. Go ahead Heidi.”

_ “Why would she ask if she already sat down?”  _ Kyle askes Kenny through their mind link.

_ “I don’t know. Maybe it’s a girl thing?” _

Kyle watches as Heidi turns her head to look at Kenny. Heidi gasps as she sees the black and blue bruise on Kenny’s eye. Kyle could only describe the gasp as fake.

“Kenny, how did you get that black eye?”

_ “Stick to the plan Kenny.” _

_ “Yeah, yeah, I know.” _

Kenny forces out a fake chuckle.

“Well, last night, Kyle and I were playing ninjas in a lot behind my house. But there were some asshole homeless kids that got pissed off that we were there. So, we got into an argument with them, and one of them tried hitting Kyle. So, I punched the guy. And we got into an all out brawl. That’s how I got this shiner. Suddenly, there was some yelling and the homeless kids scattered. It was really weird.” Kenny says through his hood. 

“So, did you guys win or lose?”

“Considering that they suddenly left, I’ll count it as a tie.”

“What about you Kyle? Did you get hurt?”

Kyle feels like a deer in headlights. His brain wracking for a convincing excuse.

“Well, he got a pretty bad twisted ankle. Didn’t you Kyle?”

Kyle nods and silently thanks Kenny for his ability to lie on the fly.

“Oh, really. When did this happen?”

“Last night.” Kenny replies to Heidi.

“Did you see any kites being flown?”

“Kites? Heidi, who would fly kites at night?” Kyle asks while pulling off what he hopes to be a confused face.

“I’m sorry. It was a dumb question. I mean, everyone loves to asks questions. Don’t you like questions Kenny?”

Kenny pauses as if he is putting some thought into the question. “Nah. Not really. I rather just go with the flow and don’t ask unnecessary things. You know what they say, “Ignorance is Bliss,” or something like that.”

Kyle watches as Heidi’s face contorts. He could tell that many thoughts were flying through her brain. A frown slowly edges onto her face. Kyle furrows his brows. He just has to ask.

“So why are you asking us all these questions Heidi? Even though you are here for Cartman.” 

Heidi whips her head to Kyle. A furious glare on her face, with a deep scowl.

_ “What the fuck are you doing?” _

_ “Provoking her. She’s suspicious of us. We got to play innocent. Like what we would do and say if we weren’t Human Kite and Mysterion. I would notice this regardless.”  _

_ “Alright. Just watch what you say. Also, try to control the conversation. Find out as much information as you can.” _

_ “Got it.” _

“Maybe it’s because I want to strike up a conversation with you guys.”

“Heidi the last time we talked you basically blamed me for everything that was happening to you, and kinda called me a “dirty jew.””

“Maybe I want to just make amends with you Kyle.”

“Then why haven’t you said you’re sorry? All you’ve done is question us about last night and if we like kites and questions. What’s all that about?” 

“I don’t have to explain myself to you Kyle.”

“Well, we answered all of your questions. Why don’t you answer this one.”

Heidi’s shoulders tremble with rage. Her eyes hold such ferocity that Kyle has to force himself not to flinch. Heidi laughs like a person who is half way to insanity. Kyle can see in the corner of his eye, Kenny’s own eyes widen. 

“Kyle, you have been a pain in my ass. I’ve tried to play it nice, but you’ve forced my hand.” 

“What the hell do you mean?”

“You are the only person to have ever seen Mysterion’s face. Not even Professor Chaos has seen it. So, who the fuck is he?” Heidi says as she tries to lean over the lunch table to get into Kyle’s face.

“What do you mean? I’ve never seen Mysterion’s face.”

“Bullshit, you haven’t. You went to jail with everyone in town thinking you were Mysterion. Then, Mysterion saved you from a sign that was about to crush you. So, you must know something about him.”

“I. Know. Nothing about Mysterion. He came to me for help. So, I helped. My conscience couldn’t let a hero go to jail just like that. So, I convinced Mysterion to let me borrow an extra suit. That’s that. I don’t know Mysterion’s name, gender, hair color. Nothing.” 

Before Heidi could say anymore, Cartman, Stan, Clyde, and Token appear. Heidi sits back on her seat correctly. Like nothing happened. Kyle spots Stan holding two trays of food. He smiles at his super best friend. However, Kyle spots Cartman walking over to Heidi. Cartman has Heidi get up so he could sit down. Heidi sits then proceeds to sit on Cartman’s lap. Kyle has to stop himself from gagging at the scene. Suddenly, Kyle can feel someone sit down next to him. He turns to the person, and sees Stan’s smiling face.

“Here’s your lunch dude. Sorry if like, none of it is appealing.”

Kyle just laughs and looks down at his tray. Two poorly cooked chicken wings with a side of mash potatoes and carrots. Along with Dr. Pep-per as a drink. Kyle looks back at Stan and smiles.

“Well, you got me my favorite drink. So I’ll let you slide.”

Stan sighs in relief, “Thank God. I thought I was going to have to go back and try to get you some other questionable food.” 

Kyle couldn’t help but laugh at Stan’s remark. Before Kyle could also comment on the school’s poor excuse for cafeteria food, Cartman interrupts their conversation.

“Just go make out already. Nobody wants to see you gay boys flirt.”

Kyle whips his head to Cartman. A scowl on his face, while his cheeks cover in red.

“Yeah, well, nobody wants to watch you and Heidi fuck while we’re trying to eat. Don’t give me that look Cartman. Everyone basically knows you and Heidi dry hump when you sit like that.”

Kyle watches with pride as Heidi and Cartman blush in embarrassment at the accusation. 

“I’m going to fucking kill you, jew.”

“Try it, Titanic.”

Cartman pushes Heidi off of him and lunges for Kyle. Kyle has to lean backwards to not get hit by a fist. Unfortunately, Kyle leans too far back and starts to fall. An arm wraps around his back and force him upright. That same arm moves to his waist. Kyle knows just by the feel of that arm that it’s Stan. Kyle looks at his super best friend, and says, “Thanks dude.” Which earns a “No problem” in return. 

Kyle looks back at Cartman to find him on the floor with Heidi. All the while, Kenny glaring at Catman. 

“I’m trying to enjoy my sad excuse for a lunch. Now, stop fighting or leave cause I’m not fucking dealing with it today.” 

Cartman gets up and pulls Heidi up by the arm. The two walk away, Cartman glaring at the Kenny and Kyle while flipping them off. Kenny, however, doesn’t pay any mind to it as he just goes back to his conversation with Butters. Noticing Stan’s arm is still around his waist. Kyle could feel his cheeks tint pink. He doesn’t move to remove the arm. Kyle just sighs and opens his can of Dr. Pep-per.

_ “And we’re supposed to lay low today.” _

Kyle just hears Kenny laughing in the mind link. Suddenly, Kyle gets a feeling that only  psychics can feel. Something is very, very, wrong.

 

\------------

 

When day turns to night, Mysterion and Human Kite enter the scene. Car horns and the bustle of the streets over take the flapping of caps in the wind. As the two heroes run along the abandoned side streets, Human Kite can feel the  _ feeling _ getting stronger as they get closer to the  U Stor It  facility. 

_ “Dude, something’s wrong.” _

_ “Yeah, I know. You wouldn’t shut up about something being wrong all during lunch.” _

_ “Sorry, it’s just. I just get this feeling every time something goes wrong. It started during lunch then disappeared after lunch, but now it’s back and it’s stronger than when it appeared during lunch.” _

_ “Alright. We will talk about this when we get to Chaos’ lair.” _

The two were silent as they make their way to the specific storage unit that was holding Classi. Human Kite and Mysterion take notice that the lock on the door is broken. The feeling Human Kite feels disappears. The two young heroes walk into the unit. 

Inside of the storage unit, papers are scattered everywhere. The table and chairs are flipped into their sides and a scared looking Professor Chaos and General Disarray. 

“Oh geez, oh geez, M-Mysterion! C-Classi! She’s been arrested!” Professor Chaos speaks frantically. 

“What?” Mysterion replies in shock. 

Human Kite just stands next to Mysterion, shocked but not all that surprised. He feels like he has to tell Mysterion ‘I told you so.’

“Yeah, General Disarray was here. He was sick from school today a-and wanted to keep Classi company. After a bit of talking with Classi, the police suddenly came right on through.”

“Yeah.” A raspy voice adds. Human Kite looks at the ginger boy and instantly could tell the boy is ill. Paler than usual, with a red tint to his nose. Human Kite can’t help but pity the boy. “I hid behind this box. They didn’t notice me at all.” The ginger boy coughs.

“Oh hamburgers Dougie, don’t talk. It’ll make your throat worst.” The boy nods at Professor Chaos. “Anyways, while General Disarray was hiding, he got out his phone and recorded the whole thing.”

Taking the cue, General Disarray pulls out his phone from his blue pants pocket. He quickly unlocks the phone and hands it to Professor Chaos. The Professor then clicks on the photos app. He clicks the most recent video. He turns the phone so the screen is now facing Mysterion and Human Kite. Human Kite, with his gloveless hand, reaches out and hits play. The video starts to play and the picture on the screen shows a brown colored object. However, Classi’s voice rings out through the phone’s speaker. 

**_“YO WHAT THE FUCK?! YOU CAPE-WEARIN’ LITTLE BITCHES SAID YOU WOULD PROTECT MY ASS!”_ **

Human Kite cringes at the stripper’s screeching. Guilty starts to build within Human Kite. He can’t help but feel responsible for Classi’s imprisonment. Both Mysterion and himself basically promised to protect Classi and they failed to do just that. Human Kite watches as the images on the video changes. The camera on the phone moves and now shows Classi trying to resist the police officers. They have a tight grip on her arms. Human Kite is pretty sure that will leave some bruises. 

**_“LITTLE TWERP ASS SHITS, I KNOW Y’ALL CAN HEAR ME! YOU LAME-ASS SUPERHERO MOTHERFUCKERS BETTER COME AND GET ME THE FUCK OUTTA OF HERE!”_ **

The video shows the police officers dragging Classi out of the storage unit, and also out of the phone’s view. Classi’s shouts could still be heard as they drag her farther away from the unit. The video stops playing.

“Well fuck.” Is all Human Kite can say after watching that. 

“We have to go and save her.” Mysterion says. Human Kite can pick out the determination in his voice. 

“Yeah, but just one problem. How in the hell are we supposed to break Classi out of jail?” Human Kite counters.

Both Mysterion and Human Kite pause. The question sinking into their minds. Both minds debating to themselves the best course of action. 

“Fellas,” Professor Chaos speaks to the heroes. “Why don’t I cause a distraction and you guys sneak in?” 

Mysterion looks at his arch-enemy. 

“Not a chance in hell.”

Professor Chaos looks at Mysterion with a confused face.

“Why?”

“Just- Just leave it to the heroes, Chaos.”

Anger bubbles up in Professor Chaos. He is a little upset that Mysterion won’t let him help. He provided a place to keep Classi, and became friends with the stripper. Of course he wants to help free her.

“B-But I-”

Mysterion cuts Professor Chaos off, “We have powers Chaos. You don’t. I’m not letting you go because we are infiltrating a police headquarters. They have guns Chaos. They can kill you.”

“And what about you?” Chaos shouts. “What powers do you have? I haven’t seen any.”

Mysterion with a dark look in his eyes glares at the evil doer. 

“I. Can’t. Die.”

Professor Chaos stills at the hero’s words. The villain wonders if the hero’s words are true. How could something like immortality be a thing? Professor Chaos wants to doubt Mysterion, but Mysterion has never lied to him before. Why would the hero start now? However, doubt is still clear in Chaos’ mind.

“Don’t be silly Mysterion, everyone dies. But oh hamburgers Mysterion, you two can’t go in their by yourselves.”

At Professor Chaos’ remark, an idea pops into Human Kite’s head.

“Actually, I know someone who can help us.”

Everyone in the storage unit looks at Human Kite. 

“Who?” Mysterion questions.

Human Kite looks at Professor Chaos and General Disarray. 

“It’s-It’s best not to say here.”

_ “Craig Tucker.” _

_ “Wait. Really?” _

_ “Don’t you remember Peru?” _ Human Kite says in the mind link. Not wanting to give Professor any hints towards their secret IDs.

_ “Oh, fuck, I forgot about that. But didn’t it go away?” _ Mysterion groans and puts his hands to his face.  _ “I fuckin hate Craig though. Little shit accused me of having lice.”  _ Mysterion mutters in the psychic link.

_ “His powers didn’t go away. He just hid it from everyone.” _

Professor Chaos and General Disarray look at the two heroes with a confused face.

However, ignoring the two villains, Human Kite is hit with a feeling of guilt, since he outed Craig to Mysterion. The only reason Kyle knows about Craig’s powers is because of an apology. After Peru, Kyle went to apologize for getting Craig involved. Kyle did some “soul searching” (aka went over the whole Peru incident in his head) and realized how much of jerk they were to Craig. Taking his money from his grandmother (Kyle especially felt bad about that one cause he really misses his own grandmother), forced him into a peruvian flute band, which lead to being taken by the government, then sent to Peru, and then into a battle with a guinea pig pirate. All the while Kyle and his friends were being dicks to him. So, about a week later, Kyle went to Craig’s house with fifty dollars (What? He wasn’t going to give a hundred bucks to Craig). When he got to the house, Craig’s mother told Kyle that Craig was at Stark’s Pond. So, Kyle went to Stark’s Pond but Craig was nowhere in sight. He walked around for a bit until he saw a bright blue light from within the forest around the pond. Kyle went towards the light and found that Craig was using his powers on a tree. Kyle stepped on a fallen branch which altered Craig. Craig used his powers towards the sound. Kyle jumped out of the way just in time. After the attempt on Kyle’s life, Kyle talked to Craig and apologized. Craig accepted the apology (and the money) and told Kyle to not tell anyone about his powers. Kyle agreed and they both went on their separate ways. 

“Chaos, is it alright if we continue to use your lair until we find a new one? This one is compromised, so we need to find a new one fast.”

“Oh, sure fellas.”

“Alright, Kite, let’s go a recruit some help.”

With that, Mysterion and Human Kite leave the storage unit.

 

\----

 

Dusk hits the town and the lights of the houses come on. On the roof of the brown garage two figures stand. The purple clad hero looks up at the closest window to them, Craig’s room. The lights in that room are off. Indicating that no one was in that room. 

_ “Coast is clear. We got to do it now.”  _ Human Kite says in the mind link.

_ “Beam us up, Scotty.”  _ Mysterion replies.

_ “Oh, fuck off Kevin Stoley.”  _

_ “How dare you wound me like this Kite.” _

_ “Then don’t make Star Trek references.” _

Human Kite closes his eyes and quickly concentrates on lifting Mysterion and himself into the air. He grips the kite in his hand. He had to take it off so he could fit in the window. He starts to feel a pull on his person. Opening his eyes, he sees Mysterion and himself in the air. 

_ “Holy shit dude. We’re birds.” _

Human Kite ignores Mysterion and he focuses on moving them towards the closed window. He tries it on Mysterion first, which leads to Mysterion flying face first into the house. A couple feet under the window.

_ “Hey! Watch what you’re doing asshole!” _

Human Kite wants to roll his eyes but refuses to. Human Kite takes his hand and raises it. Visualizing himself lifting Mysterion with his hand. Mysterion rises slowly. Mysterion gets to the window and stops moving. Since he practiced on Mysterion, Human Kite gracefully moves himself to the window.

_ “I knew you planned that.” _

_ “Oh just shut up.” _

Human Kite moves his hand towards the window’s lock. He takes his pointer finger and swiftly moves it from right to left. From outside, a soft click his heard. He then takes his pointer finger and flicks it up. The window moves with it. Mysterion quickly pulls himself inside. He turns and grabs Human Kite’s kite and places it on the floor inside. He then moves to pull Human Kite inside the room. Once in the room, Human Kite stops his  psychokinesis. He grabs his kite and puts it on his back. Mysterion closes the window while making sure no one saw Human Kite and himself. 

_ “What now?” _

_ “We wait.” _

With that, Mysterion jumps onto Craig’s bed.

_ “I wouldn’t sleep on that.” _

_ “Why?” _

_ “Who knows that last time he washed his sheets.” _ Human Kite’s face contorts in disgust.

_ “Hey, a bed’s a bed. It’s better than that shit show I call a bed. Even if it may or may not have some residue from some nightly activities.” _

_ “You’re disgusting Mysterion.” _

_ “Funny, I’ve been told that before.” _

Suddenly, a squeaky twist of a door knob is pierces the silent room. Mysterion sits up on the bed. Both heroes face the door. The door swings open to reveal a neutral faced Craig Tucker.

“What the fuck?” The boy in blue says in a monotone voice.

“Craig Tucker, do not be afraid. We mean you no harm.”

Craig looks at the two heroes. Human Kite could tell Craig is observing them. Calculating something. Human Kite watches as Craig steps into the room and closes the door. However, he does flip off both Mysterion and Human Kite.

“What the fuck do you want?”

“This town is endanger. Many lives will be hurt. We need help. Someone who can become a unit of strength for us.”

“Me?”

“It is because we all hold something in common.”

“And that’d be?”

Mysterion moves and takes off his mask. Blond locks flowing out of the purple hood. Human Kite moves to take off his hood. Vibrant red hair flies out. Human Kite pushes his gray mask down so it lays around his neck.

“Our powers.”

Kyle watches as Craig tenses. From the words or the reveal, Human Kite isn’t sure. However, he does take Craig’s silence as a notion to continue.

“We have powers Craig. Kenny can’t die, and I have psychic abilities. You are the only person in South Park that we know of that also has powers. We need your help. Our informant just got arrested and we need to break her out of jail. We need your eyes, Craig.”

“Of fucking course it’s you two.” Craig says after moment or two of silence passes. “Why did you reveal yourselves to me?”

“We want you to trust us. What better way for you to trust us then for us to show you our civilian IDs.” Kenny adds.

“Why should I join you guys? You both are always dicks to me.”

“Look, Craig, we really need you to join us. If not, then I can just tell the whole town that you and Tweek have been faking your relationship.” Kyle threatens.

“How the hell do you know that?”

“Remember that time that Tweek was apart of our group.” Kyle jesters between Kenny and himself. “Well we still kept in contact after that. We are good friends you know. He tells me a lot of stuff.”

“Well, Tweek and I are happily in a real relationship now.”

“Bullshit you are. You and Tweek just got into a fight Tuesday. Tweek told me everything. About how you were on your phone all during date night. Yeah, trust me when I say that he is seriously pissed off at you.”

“Really?” 

“Really. So, if you join us, I’ll help your relationship with Tweek.”

Craig turns his head to the bedside table. Kyle follows Craig’s sight. On the bedside table is a picture of Tweek and Craig at an amusement park. Both boys are smiling happily at the camera. Holding their intertwined hands up at the camera to capture. Kyle looks back at Craig. He finds the boy looking at the picture, longingly. 

“I’m in.” Craig agrees.

“You’ll need a hero suit that no one will recognize you in. And a new secret ID while your at it. We don’t need the police to track you down.” Kenny pipes in.

“Fine.”

“Alright. Meet us at Kyle’s house after your parents think you’re.”

“Fine.”

With that the two heroes put back on their masks and hoods. Once their customs were in order, they open the window. Human Kite uses his powers to safely fly the two out the window and onto the garage. From their the young heroes climb down the side of the garage (they hopped on the pile of boxes next to the garage), and ran off to each respective home. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does anyone like the idea of Villain Heidi? Cause I do. Essentially, Heidi (Discord) takes the villain role instead of Professor Chaos.
> 
> EDIT: Sorry I didn't have this before, but here is the link to see what Discord looks like.   
> https://omwardposts.tumblr.com/post/181868956849/omwardposts-villain-heidi-her-name-is-discord


	6. Jail Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new hero joins Mysterion and Human Kite's ranks. And he's Peruvian themed. 
> 
> Now it's time for the heroes to raid the police station.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ NOTE:
> 
> Criag ( Pronunciatiaon: Cree- AAg )
> 
> Here is Peruvian Criag's design.
> 
> https://www.tumblr.com/reblog/182396994659/eNODMrqo

“Goodnight Bubbie, sleep well.” 

“Night mom.”

Once the door is shut, Kyle jumps out of his bed. He quickly gets dresses into his Human Kite costume. He hears a slight creak but jots it down as the creaking of the floor boards. He opens his window and uses his powers to safely float himself down from his room and onto the snowy ground. He points his finger at the window and flicks his finger down, effectively shutting the window. 

“Come here often?” A voice to Human Kite says.

Human Kite jumps and moves to his left to get away from the voice. He turns his head to see Mysterion laughing. Human Kite moves back over to Mysterion and hits him hard on the shoulder. Mysterion winces.

“Ow. Okay, I’ll admit that I deserve that. Sorry for scaring you Kite.”

“You fucking should be, you dick.” Human Kite looks around. “Have you seen Craig?”

Mysterion breaks out into laughter once more.    


“Holy shit. He is wearing the funniest fucking hero suit ever. I- I just can’t.” 

Human Kite rolls his eyes at Mysterion. “Well, where is he?”

“Out front. He sent me back here to get you. Geez man, your parents take forever to make sure your asleep.”

“Tell me about it.”

Mysterion and Human Kite walk to the front of the green house. There, dressed in Peruvian fashion, is Craig Tucker. His costume is, essentially, his ninja costume underneath his Peruvian flute band getup. However, Craig has dark blue pants, bright yellow gloves, and dirt brown boots. The boots, with Peruvian style markings, have golden tassels hanging down from the tops of the boots. The only visible feature that Human Kite can see is the young boy’s green eyes. 

“What a half-assed looking hero suit.” Human Kite comments.

“You only said to get a suit that won’t show my identity. Well here it is.” Craig’s voice is muffled by the black material covering his mouth. Human Kite is surprised when he can’t identify Craig’s nasally voice, only the words he spoke.

“Did you think of a hero name?” Mysterion asks.

“Peruvian Criag.”

Human Kite stares at Craig. 

“Peruvian Criag?”

“How do you even spell that?” Human Kite can hear the mischief in Mysterion’s voice. He can tell Mysterion is getting a laugh out of this.

“C-R-I-A-G.”

“That’s basically Craig, but the ‘i’ and the ‘a’ are switched.” Kite says in disbelief. “That’s really close to your actual name.”

“Yeah, but the people in this town are fucking stupid. No one will connect the two.”

Kite pauses. He thinks back to all of the times where people would immediately assume that he was controlling the wind, even though there was no evidence to prove it.

“Well you’re not wrong. Let’s just get started. Criag, I need to link you up.”

“What?”

“Shut up and hold still.”

Human Kite presses two fingers on Criag’s forehead. He could feel Criag tense up at his touch. Human Kite could feel Criag’s conscious instantly. Instinctually, Human Kite connects Criag’s consciousness to his and Mysterion’s. Adding Criag to their psychic link. A slight shot of pain shoots throughout Human Kite’s head. However, Human Kite shakes it off.

_ “There. Now, we can all talk to each other by thought.” _

_ “Holy fuck.” _ Criag’s voice hums unsteadily. Obviously, due to this being the first time using the mind link.

“Alright. Lets go.” Mysterion walks off towards the police center. His cape flapping in the slight breeze of the wintery night. Human Kite quickly follows after. He turns to see Criag not far behind. He smiles and adjusts the gray mask on his own face. Satisfied with his mask placement, he looks ahead. The trio was silent until Criag speaks up halfway to the station.

_ “Can someone fill me in on how we are going to do this.”  _

_ “Earlier, I looked into the police stations blueprints. Turns out that holding cells are on the second floor. That’s where Classi should be.” _ Human Kite informs.

_ “How many cops will be there tonight?” _ Mysterion asks.

_ “Half of the police force is going to be at the station tonight.” _

_ “Well this is going to be sooooooo great.” _

_ “Criag, I don’t need your sass. _ ” Mysterion scolds.

_ “It comes with me helping your sorry asses.” _

_ “Well, fucking touch _ _ é _ _ then. At least I’m in a happy relationship.”  _

_ “Oh yeah, having your boyfriend be your arch-enemy seems soooo thrilling.” _

_ “Ouch. I can feel the eye roll from here.” _

_ “Oh fuck off Kite. At least I had the balls to ask out Butters. Try getting some to ask out Stan.” _

_ “Yeah, dude, it’s really sad to watch.”  _ Criag adds in.

_ “Well I’m glad you two can join forces even if it’s just to attack me. Honestly, I feel offended.” _

As the trio get closer to the police station, Human Kite can see the backs of a group of people. A group of people he rather not see in front of the station. 

_ “Oh fuck no.” _ Human Kite whispers in the link. _ “Not again! They always are in the way.”  _

_ “What’s happening?” _ Criag looks at Human Kite and Mysterion.

_ “The Coon and Friends are here. Everyone besides Iron Maiden and Mint Berry Crunch. Toolshed, Tupperware, Mosquito, and Coon were at Buca de Faggoncini when we were trying to take out the mafia members. Luckily they didn’t get in the way.”  _ Human Kite informs Criag.

_ “But they almost did.” _ Mysterion grits out. 

Human Kite could see the dull deep green of Professor Chaos’ cape. 

_ “Chaos is here.”  _ Human Kite whispers.

Mysterion takes off, cape flapping behind him. 

“Chaos.” The word is spit like venom from Mysterion’s mouth. 

The group turns to see Mysterion walking at them, fists clenched.

“Oh hamburgers.” Chaos whispers. 

“What is the meaning of this?” Mysterion stops right before Chaos. 

The villain takes a step back.

“Well, you said you needed some help so I thought-”

“You thought? You thought getting these people involved would be a good idea?”

“But you need help and-”

“You shouldn’t have done that Chaos. We’ll be fine on our own.” Mysterion growls. 

The hero cladded in purple turns to steps back to look at the whole group. A deep frown on his face. Human Kite and Criag step to stand next to him.

“Everyone stay here. Do. Not. Get. Involved.”

“You can’t tell me what to do Mysterion.” The Coon steps up. 

Mysterion glares at the fat boy. 

“He can do whatever the fuck he wants.” Criag spits out.

The group looks over to the voice. Shocked to see a third person to the town’s dynamic duo.

“Who the fuck is this and why is he allowed to raid the police station?” The Coon says in disbelief and anger. 

“I’m Peruvian Criag and it’s none of your damn business what I can and cannot do.” Criag retorts.

“Leave now Coon or else.” Mysterion commands.

“Or else what? I don’t think you and your rag tag group of gaywads can even get into the station.”

“We should probably leave.” Tupperware pipes.

Human Kite watches as heads the Coon’s head whips to Tupperware.

“We are so not leaving until I can prove that I am this town’s symbol.”

“Is that why you won’t leave? Because I’m this town’s symbol of peace?” Mysterion says in disbelief. 

“Fuck you Mysterion. I won’t leave. We are going in there and showing you that we are the better superhero team.” The Coon yells at Mysterion. 

_ “Mysterion, you know how I hate to side with Coon. But lets just do what he says.” _ Human Kite huffs.  _ “We are not getting anywhere near freeing Classi at this rate.” _

_ “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. You’re right.”  _ Mysterion reluctantly agrees. 

“Fine” Mysterion sighs. “You guys can cause a diversion out here. But once that’s done, scatter. Leave as soon as you’re done.” 

Human Kite watches as the Coon shifts and a villainous grin takes over his face. Human Kite shudders.

“Fine. Coon and Friends will go around the corner of the building and cause a diversion. You assholes can sneak in the front.” The Coon points a finger at Mysterion.

“You better not enter this police station.” Mysterion warns.

“Oh, I promise. Let’s go and set up. Come on guys.” The Coon waves his friends on.

Human Kite watches as the group walks off. He turns to see the deep set frown on Mysterion’s face. He turns to look at Criag. Since Criag’s face is mostly covered by the ninja mask, Human Kite can’t tell his emotions. However, Criag’s eyes are visible and Human Kite can see worry swirl in his eyes. 

“You guys okay?” Human Kite asks.

“Pissed off mostly.” Mysterion answers.

“Tweek is here.” Criag sighs.

Wonder Tweek, just like Toolshed, was apart of the Coon and Friends group. 

“Yeah he is.” Human Kite agrees.

“He didn’t tell me he was doing this.”

“Maybe he didn’t want you to worry.”

“But this isn’t like Tweek.”

“Well Butters can be very convincing when he wants to be.” Human Kite shrugs. 

“I guess.” Criag hesitates for a second. “What about you?”

“Me?”

“Yeah. How do you feel about Stan being here?”

“Worried. Scared. Terrified really. I don’t want him to get hurt.”

“I think we can all agree to that for our own love interest and friends.” Mysterion pipes in. “But we better get prepared for this diversion.” 

“Alright.” Human Kite nods.

“Let’s take a look inside.”

The three boys go over to the window and look inside. Through the window, they see three officers snorting heroin. The off-white drug scattered all over the desk, yet still a large amount is still in the bag. They watch as the three officers talk about the drug. Human Kite notes the disheveled appearance of the office. Poker chips and trash are scattered along the ground. Suddenly, the officers look around frantically. All three stand and start to leave. One officer points back to the desk and the officer nearest to the desk turns back to it. That officer grabs the bag of powdery heroin. Human Kite rolls his eyes as the officers leave the office. 

“All right, come on guys. The coast is clear.”

The trio walk over to the front door and push it open. The guy at the front desk jumps out of his chair. 

“Oh shit, it’s Mysterion and he’s with two innocent children!”

They watch as the man pushes something yelling about a code red. The man shoots his gun. However, the desk is cased in. The bullet ricochets off the walls. The bullet then finds itself through the officer’s chest. Human Kite watches as the man sways and falls. 

“Well that sucks for him.” Criag comments. 

Human Kite shrugs and turns to the brown doors. It’s not like he’s never seen someone die before. Unfortunately in South Park, it happens quite often. Mysterion pushes the brown doors open. The three young heroes walk into the office. As Human Kite assumed, the office was filthy. Thrash bags lay across the floor, papers are everywhere, and empty beer bottles stand on the floor. 

As they walk further through the office to see four police officers hyped up on drugs. 

_ “Oh shit.” _ Human Kite whispers. He eyes the one officer that is standing in front of the door to the stairs. _ “That door over there is the door to the stairs. We need to get that officer away from it.”  _

_ “We’re going to have to fight them, aren’t we?” _

Before anyone could respond to Criag’s question, an officer looks over at them. His eyes widen and prepares is fists for a fight. Although, the man is sways a bit. 

“Freeze, vigilantes. Well, c’mere first, and then freeze.” The officer slurs.

The other three officers look over at their fellow man in blue. They spot the three heroes and attempt to walk over to their comrade. Each party stands off in a defensive position. Waiting for which other side to strike first. Human Kite stares down one of the officers. He watches as the man fiddles with the gun in his holster. An idea came to mind.

_ “Got a game plan Mysterion?”  _ Human Kite wonders.

_ “Well, I’m a close range combatant while you two are far range ones. One of you guys has to cover me while I get close to them.” _

_ “Well I can cover both of you guys. I think I can kind of make a shield with my powers.” _

_ “You think?” _ Criag questions.

_ “I mean I’ve never practiced making a shield but theoretically it doesn’t seem that hard to do.” _

_ “If you think that you can do it Kite then do it. We will cover you.” _ Mysterion nods at Human Kite.

_ “Cool.” _

_ “I didn’t sign up for this.” _ Criag sighs.

Human Kite rolls his eyes then closes them. In his mind, he pictures a light purple bubble surrounding the three heroes. He imagines the solidification of his psychic powers. Something he can physically touch. His brain starts to ache. He can feel the sweat dripping down his face. His legs start to shake and weaken. He knows he can do this. He has too, or else Mysterion and Criag could get hurt. He won’t let that happen. Suddenly, a surge of power flows through him. 

_ “Good work Kite.” _ Mysterion’s voice is faded but he can hear the voice in his mind.

Through the headache, he pushes his eyelids open to see Mysterion pressing his hand on a transparent object. Human Kite realizes that it is his shield.

_ “Hell yeah.” _ Human Kite says breathless. 

Suddenly a shot rings out. Human Kite flinches back as the bullet falls to the ground in front of Mysterion. Mysterion stumbles a bit as the shield dissolves slightly. 

_ “Kite the shield is falling. Fix it.” _

Human Kite puts his focus back into protecting his friends. The policemen lift their guns and point them at the three young heroes. 

“Fire.” One policeman slurs.

The cops open fire at them. However, none of the bullets reach their target. Instead, they fall to the ground. Human Kite smirks as he dissolves the shield on his command. 

_ “Okay go.” _

Mysterion sprints forward. A cop fires at him, but the young boy jumps to the side, dodging the attack. Mysterion jumps forward and punches the man in the gut. The man doubles over. Mysterion takes this and jabs the man in the jaw. Knocking the police officer out. More gun shots sound. Mysterion whirls around to see several bullets floating in the air. His head whips to see Human Kite’s hand outstretched. Mysterion smirks and he looks back at the cop. The bullets in between the hero and law enforce drops. Mysterion flies forwards. He throws a punch into the man’s gut. Mysterion doesn’t even let the man react. He lifts his leg and kicks the man in the side. Twice. Mysterion steps back jumps. Throwing a flying kick at the man. It hits the man in the chest. The man falls backwards, hitting his head on the floor. Mysterion punches the man in the face. Breaking his nose and knocking him out. 

Taking Mysterion’s initiative, Criag stares at an officer. The cold hard stare starts to heat up. Criag can feel the roaring heat behind his eyes. He stills himself and lets that heat go. A burst of energy shoots out of Criag’s eyes. The blue beam hits an officer directly in the chest. The officer skids back from the impact. Criag does the same to the last officer standing. 

Human Kite watches his friends fight in anticipation. Waiting for the moment to use his powers to protect the two. Suddenly he hears a door being open. He looks to his left to see two detectives come out from a room. Both looking high off a drug. Human Kite could only guess it was the heroine.

“Holy shit it’s Mysterion.” The two detectives take out their weapons. 

Human Kite quickly points his hand at the two detectives and whips it away. The guns rip out of the detectives’ hands and follow the motion of Human Kite’s. Both detectives look over at Human Kite. They rush at him, although never moving an inch. Human Kite lifts the detectives off the ground and fling them into a wall. They fall to the ground and don’t get up. 

After the chaos of the battle was done the three heroes regroup.

“Well that was something.” Criag comments.

Human Kite looks at the two officers that Criag defeated.

“Are you sure you didn’t, I don’t know, kill them?”

“They’re fine. I did a lot of control practice since I got these beams. Only some burning will be left.”

“That’s good.”

“At least now we have a full battle strategy. Criag and I will fight the officers, while Human Kite covers us.”

“Logical.” Human Kite agrees. He looks over to the two detectives. “I fought two detectives that came as back up. I recognize their faces. Both were on our list.”

“Fuck, we don’t have time to interrogate them. We need to get Classi back. Let’s move.”

Human Kite, Mysterion, and Peruvian Criag go over to the door leading to the stairs. Human Kite opens the door and the three walk into the room. Human Kite turns to his right to the stairs entrance. Standing in between the stairs and the young heroes is Detective Harrison Yates.

“That’s enough! Just stand down kids.” The detective’s eyes harden. “Look I know why you’re here. You’re fed up. Because you guys think all cops do is harass black people.” 

_ “What the fuck is he talking about?”  _ Criag asks.

_ “Honestly, I have no idea.” _ Human Kite replies.

_ “Lets just see where this goes.”  _ Mysterion offers.

“I know that to a bunch of young kids it can see like cops are racist and bigoted. But you can’t believe what the media tells you. Cops are just people. Like you, your friends, your family. People who work hard.” A detective comes running down the stairs. Human Kite recognizes him as Detective Levinskky. 

“Spook!” The man shots and aims the gun in his hands at the doorway.

Levinskky pulls the trigger and Human Kite turns to look at what the man was aiming at. His eyes widen as he sees Tupperware and Mosquito by the doorway. The bullet cuts through Tupperware’s suit but doesn’t pierce the boy’s skin. Human Kite whips his head back to the detectives. Glaring harshly at them.

“Tupperware!” Mosquito yelps out.

“Dammit Levinskky! Get your ass upstairs!” Yates yells at the detective.

“Sir!” The man turns around and goes back up. 

“Turn on the alarm!” Yates follows Levinskky upstairs. 

Human Kite turns back to Tupperware and Mosquito. He sees Mosquito fretting over Tupperware’s almost wound. Criag is by their side in a heartbeat. Mysterion and Human Kite follow. 

“That fucking asshole shot at me!”

“Are you okay?” Both Mosquito and Criag ask. 

Tupperware softly smiles at Mosquito. He takes Mosquito’s hand and grips it. Offering Mosquito comfort. He then turns to Mysterion’s group. 

“I’m okay. He only tore my costume. I didn’t actually get hurt.”

“But you could have.” Mosquito’s eyes gloss over. 

“Like I said Clyde, I’m fine.”

“What are you doing here anyways?” Criag asks, hands in tight fists.

Tupperware’s eyes harden. A serious look replaces his the once soft look on his face.

“That’s right. Mosquito and I came down here to tell you that the rest of Coon and Friends, plus Professor Chaos, are sneaking into the station from the fire escape. We tried to tell them not to go, but fucking Cartman didn’t listen.”

“Oh for fuck sake.” Mysterion mutters.

Human Kite just pinches the bridge of his nose and shakes his head. 

“This is the exact reason why I told you guys to not follow us in here. You guys could get hurt, or even worse, killed. I can’t risk that. Not even with Coon.”  Mysterion rants.

“Yeah, got that.” Tupperware gestures to his arm. “But what are we going to do now?”

“We? You guys are-”

“Okay I get that I was shot at, but I’m not leaving my friends alone with you guys in a dangerous situation. You can’t stop me from going to help them.” Tupperware stands his ground against Mysterion. 

“Fine. You can come.” Criag says.

“Cri-”

_ “They are safer this way Mysterion and you know it.”  _ Human Kite says and gives Mysterion a look.

_ “Fuck, I hate when you use that logic shit. I seriously hate both of you right now.”  _ Mysterion rants.

_ “You’re welcome.”  _ Human Kite sasses back. 

“Fine.” Mysterion pauses. “This isn’t going to get any easier.” Mysterion warns. “But those cops need to pay. Let’s go.” Mysterion turns and walks to the stairs. 

Tupperware and Mosquito race after the boy in purple. Human Kite and Criag bring up the rear. 

_ “So why do you only speak in the mind link when the Coon and Friends are around?” _ Criag asks.

_ “So you noticed? It’s just that- when Mysterion and I first encountered the Tupperware, Mosquito, Coon, and Toolshed at Buca De Faggonicini, I thought that Coon or Toolshed would recognize my voice straight away. So I just didn’t talk.” _

_ “So that’s why there are rumors going around that you’re mute.”  _

_ “Yeah, honestly I think it’s for the best. I can keep my anger hidden this way and not say some stupid shit.” _

_ “Smart.”  _

_ “So is your ninja mask. If I didn’t know it was you under that mask, I don’t think I would ever guess you by the muffled voice.” _

_ “Now, now girls. I know who much you love to compliment each other’s hair but we’re about to hit the second floor. Ready up.” _ Mysterion’s taunting voice interrupts the Criag’s and Human Kite’s conversation.

At the top of the stairs, a door stands. Mysterion opens the door to show a little room. There’s an elevator next to the door, a desk, and two other doors. One reads ‘evidence’ while the other door reads ‘holding cells.’ 

“This is it.” Mysterion stands in front of the holding cell door. “Classi’s behind this door.”

Criag and Human Kite stand behind Mosquito and Tupperware. 

“I’m starting to think coming here was a bad idea.” Mosquito whispers to Tupperware.

Tupperware shushes the boy. 

Mysterion pushes the double doors open. 

Everyone walks in and Human gasps in shock as he sees jail cells full of black people. 

“Hey get us out of here!” Someone from a jail cell shouts out.

Human Kite watches as people start to move towards the jail cell doors. 

“Token! Thank God you are here, son.” Mister Black says from holding cell three.

“Dad! What the fuck are you doing here?” Tupperware runs over to the jail cell along with Mosquito.

“Come on, lets go and unlock these doors.” Mysterion commands.

Human Kite turns to the right and walks over to the door that reads ‘exit’ above it. Next to that is a phone and a large yellow button. The yellow button is on a panel that reads ‘cell doors’ and ‘locked.’ He pushes the button thinking that the captives would be let free. However, an alarm rings and some policemen in armor burst through the ‘exit’ door. 

“They’re trying to free the criminals!” The policeman on the right yells. 

Human Kite backs up as the policeman with the shield tries to grab him. He quickly turns and runs over to the other young heroes. However, on the other side of the room, the door that reads ‘interrogation’ above it, bursts open and a battle ready police officer and detective burst in. 

“Get down! Get down!” The detective screams. 

The battle ready police officer attempts to hit Mysterion with his baton. Mysterion backs up just in time, dodging the attack. The superhero group is pinned down in the middle of two police groups.  The group backs up against the jail cell doors. Human Kite, Mysterion, and Criag stand between Tupperware and Mosquito. Human Kite activates his shield just in time as a police officer brings out his baton and attempts to hit Criag. 

_ “What do we do?” _ Human Kite asks wincing as another baton hits his shield.

_ “Wait for a moment of hesitation, then drop the shield. Criag and I will attack.” _

_ “Kite focus on the shield. I’ll tell you when to drop it.” _ Criag pipes in. 

Human Kite focuses on maintaining the shield. Hit after hit, but Human Kite does not waver. Not letting the police think for a second that will get through. 

_ “Now.” _

Human Kite instantly dissolves the shield. Mysterion lunges at the nearest cop without the armor. He kicks the officer in the gut, and almost instantly after, knocks the officer out with a strong right hook. He goes after the detective. The detective whips out his pistol and aims at Mysterion. Suddenly, the gun is forced out of his hand. Mysterion takes this opportunity to attack the policeman. Delivering several punches to the man. He moves onto the his next victim.

All the while, Criag shoots his laser eyes at the one of the two battle ready officers. The lasers burn through the shield and hits the man. The man cries out in pain, falling onto his back. Criag whips his head to the other battle ready officer. He repeats his actions. Leaving the two shielded guards withering on the floor in pain. 

Human Kite watches, once again, as Mysterion and Criag fight. Waiting for when either of the boys need assistance. 

“Human Kite, look out!” Mosquito calls out to him. 

Human Kite drops his focus from his friends to see two policemen rushing towards him. Human Kite quickly puts up his shield. A baton smashes against the transparent shield. He can hear Mosquito’s and Tupperware’s gasp of amazements. 

“Try the taser.” One policeman shouts at his fellow man in blue. 

Human Kite watches as the other policeman glares at the officer. The glaring man pulls out the gun looking taser and shoots it at the shield. However, the two stun probes float in the air then fall to the ground almost immediately. The shock goes off, but nothing is affected by it. Human Kite smirks at the two officials who look at the stun gun in shock. He uses his telekinetic powers to lift the two officials and throw their bodies into the wall across from them. Human Kite watches as the bodies slam into the wall and drop to the ground below. The two police officials groan in pain, but their bodies refuse to get up. 

Human Kite looks around the room to see all of the opponents defeated. He smiles and turns around to face Tupperware and Mosquito. He freezes when he sees the looks of awe on both boys’ face. 

“That was so epic!” Mosquito shouts. 

“It was really cool to see you all fight.” Tupperware comments. 

Human Kite blushes at the compliments. He nods at the two boys. 

“Glad someone liked that.” Criag grunts while rubbing his eyes.  _ “Fuck, I think my powers give me dry eye or something.” _

Human Kite forces himself not to laugh at Criag’s observation. He looks around to see Mysterion staring down Detective Yates in the ‘exit’ door doorway. Human Kite points at the two, gaining the attention of Criag, Mosquito, and Tupperware. Human Kite walks over and stops to stand by Mysterion’s side. The others follow.

“Okay, okay, I know this looks bad...You really think cops just go around arresting black people for no reason?” Yates waves around his hand nervously.

_ “He’s still going on about this?”  _ Mysterion questions. 

“What purpose could that possible serve? It’s reverse discrimination, that’s what that is. If we were all black cops and our jails were filled with white people nobody would say a word.” 

“What an asshole.” Tupperware whispers under his breath, but Human Kite caught it and couldn’t agree more.

“So I guess you’ve learned that the real bigots are you guys, huh kids? Guess you can all go home.” 

Human Kite just looks at the man with utter confusement.

“No? Fuck.” Yates turns and retreats into the room he entered from.

_ “I’m not the only one thinking that was weird right?”  _ Human Kite asks.

_ “No, that was definitely weird.” _ Mysterion says.

_ “Yeah, maybe weirder than the time when Cartman made a kid eat his own parents.” _ Criag offers.

_ “Yeah that was weird and disgusting all at the same time.” _ Human Kite agrees.

“Mom! Dad!” Tupperware says as he runs up to his parents.

Human Kite looks around to find Mosquito next to the ‘cell doors’ button. The jail cell doors are open and all the people are exiting their confinements. 

“We’re innocent so braking out of jail isn’t a crime, right?” One of the escapees asks.

“I’m not staying here to find out.” A woman responds. 

People filter out of the room leaving Mysterion, Human Kite, Criag, Mosquito, Tupperware, and his parents. Human Kite smiles as he watches Tupperware’s family reunite. He watches Tupperware’s mother hug her son and fret over him. 

“I smell a class-action lawsuit. Supreme Court here we come.” Mr. Black smiles. He puts his hand on Tupperware’s shoulder.

“Token, what did I tell you about playing too rough?” 

“But Mom, I was defending justice.” Tupperware replies. 

Mrs. Black pulls away from hugging her son. She looks him in the eye.

“I don’t care what you were defending- you could have gotten hurt.”

“Don’t worry Mrs. Black. My team and I were looking out for your son.” Mysterion jumps into the conversation. 

Mrs. Black stands up and pats down her blue skirt. 

“Thank you for protecting my son Mysterion and…” Mrs. Black trails off.

“Peruvian Criag.” Criag supplies.

Her eyes drift over to Human Kite. Human Kite tenses up as the silence grows. Not knowing if he should speak in front of the woman or not. 

“That is Human Kite. He doesn’t talk.” Criag says to the woman.

“Thank you Mysterion, Peruvian Criag, and Human Kite. We are in your debt.”

“No need citizen. We are here to help.” Mysterion replies.

“Alright, dear, Token, let’s get doing.” Mr. Black turns to walk out. His wife follows but his son does not. “Token, let’s go.”

“I’m not going Dad.”

“And why is that?”

“My friends are inside and I want to help get them out.”

“Leave it to the professionals Token.”

Human Kite watches as Tupperware is about to say something, however, Criag jumps into the conversation.

“We promised to protect them, and we will. Both Mosquito and Tupperware will be safe with us.” 

Mr. and Mrs. Black look at Criag. Silence enters the room as everyone waits to hear the Blacks’ responses.

“Alright. You set us free and you didn’t let Token get hurt during that battle. We trust you.” Mr. Black says.

“But love-”

“This is what Token wants, dear. I’m sure he will be fine. Have some faith in our son and the town’s heroes.”

Mrs. Black looks between her husband and the group of youngsters. Seeing as she is out numbered in this decision, she sighs. 

“Fine.” She looks over at Criag. “But if he so much let him get a scratch. I’ll find out who you are and kill you myself.”

Mr. Black grabs her hand and leads her to the correct exit of the room. But before she leaves, Mrs. Black looks over her shoulder.

“Stay safe Token.”

With that, Mr. and Mrs. Black leave the room. Human Kite lets out the breath he was holding in.

“Holy shit Token, your Mom is fucking scary.” Mosquito says with wide eyes.

“I know right.” Tupperware whispers back.

“Since you two will be staying with us, we need to lay some ground rules.” Everyone turns to Mysterion. “You both will stay next to Kite. Do not leave his side. Do not go off on your own, and if you are attacked by an enemy. Run. Got that?” 

Human Kite watches as Mosquito and Tupperware nod in understanding.

_ “At least that’s over.” _ Human Kite untenses.

_ “Holy fuck. That was the most tense conversation I have ever been in.” _ Mysterion confesses.

_ “She does that every time I go over to pick up Token and bring him somewhere.”  _ Criag shrugs.  _ “When you got a lot of money, you got a lot of enemies. She’s just super protective of Token.” _

At the word, ‘protective,’ Human Kite remembers about Classi. He whips his head around the room, but there is no sight of the black stripper. Mysterion takes notice of this.

_ “Classi’s not here.”  _ Mysterion says, voicing Human Kite’s thought. “ _ She has to be in some other holding area.” _

_ “I don’t remember seeing any other holding area in the station’s blueprints.”  _

_ “Maybe they added a secret holding area?” _ Criag throws out the idea. 

_ “Maybe. Either way we have to venture further into the station. We still need to find the Coon and Friends.” _

_ “God, I hate them so much right now.” _ Human Kite stresses.

“If you’re done with your wordless conversation, can we please start now?” Tupperware’s voice breaks the psychic conversation. 

The three heroes look to see Tupperware tapping his foot impatiently on the ground while Mosquito is looking at them, eyes wide and sparkling in excitement.

Human Kite watches as Mysterion twirls around, cape elegantly fluttering around him, and faces the door Detective Yates left through.

“Remember the rules. Lets go.”

Mysterion starts to walk and everyone follows him. After exiting through the ‘exit’ doors, the group is met with a door to the stairs and a hallway off to the side. Mysterion looks over to the hallway and walks down it. Everyone follows. The hallway opens up to a room of jail cells. Human Kite brings a hand to his nose and pinches it. The smell of alcohol reeking up the jail cells. 

Human Kite can see the floor littered with chip bags (with the chips broken all over the floor), beer bottles, used tissues, and wrappers. He has to force himself to not puke at the scene. 

_ “Please let’s leave.” _ Human Kite begs. _ “This place is disgusting.” _

Human Kite watches as Mysterion thoroughly looks through the jail cells. Looking for any signs of Classi.

“Let’s leave.” Mysterion orders.

The group rushes out of the area. Human Kite sighs in relief. 

_ “Oh, thank God we left there. I don’t think I could have handled being in there for another second.” _

_ “What? Can’t handle dirty places? And here I thought you hanged out at Kenny’s house before.”  _ Criag comments.

_ “Well, his living room looks better than that area.” _

_ “I seriously hate you guys.” _

Human Kite laughs quietly to himself. They get back to the entrance of the hallway. 

“Guess we go up.” Tupperware offers.

Human Kite nods in agreement. He watches as Criag opens the door to the stairs. They walk into the stairwell. Human Kite examines the room. The stairs have bras and beer bottles sitting on them. Papers from the filing cabinet sprawl out and onto the floor.

_ “What the fuck happened here?” _ Mysterion questions.

_ “Maybe a rave?”  _ Criag offers. 

Mysterion and human Kite look at him in disbelief. 

_ “Why the fuck would the police throw a rave at the police station?”  _ Human Kite questions.

_ “Why else would there be bras in a stairwell?” _ Criag rebuttals. 

_ “You actually have a point if you think about it.”  _ Mysterion says. 

Human Kite just rolls his eyes underneath his gray mask. He watches as Mysterion climbs the stairs first, then Tupperware and Mosquito, next he climbs them himself with Criag behind him, bringing up the rear. Getting to the third floor, they meet with a door with a sign reading, ‘South Park NSA.’ Mysterion, once again, takes the lead and slowly opens the door.

The room is dark and the only light in the room comes from large computer screens. A rather large police officer, with his desk facing the middle of the room, looks at the eight monitors on the desk. 

Mysterion spots a table off to the side. A small table with large boxes underneath it, while VHSes are stacked upon each other on top. Mysterion opens the door large enough for him to slide through. He stealthily sprints to get behind the table. 

_ “There’s a guard in here. Kite, I need you in here. There’s enough room for you to fit behind the table. Criag, stay with Mosquito and Tupperware.”  _ Mysterion orders.

_ “Okay.” _ Both Human Kite and Criag say.

“Stay here.” Criag whispers to Mosquito and Tupperware.

Human Kite moves to the opening of the door. He looks over at the guard and sees him intensely watching a screen. Human Kite looks over to the table. He opens the door slightly more so his kite can fit through the opening. With one more look to the officer, he sprints over to the table. In one swift motion, he skids to a stop behind the table. Suddenly, a sound of a bottle of lotion being squeezed can be heard. 

_ “What was that?” _ Mysterion asks. He leans out from behind the table to see the guard squeezing lotion onto his hand. Eyes never leaving the screen. Mysterion watches as the lotion filled hand disappears underneath the desk along with the other one. _ “What the fuck. The guy is jerking off.” _

_ “On the job, really?”  _ Human Kite ridicules. 

_ “Guy’s got balls I’ll give him that.”  _ Criag comments.

Human Kite rolls his eyes. He turns and looks out from behind the table. Observing the area just like Mysterion. Bookcases upon bookcases. Monitors galore. He spies two monitors hanging on motion wall mounts. An idea comes to his mind. 

_ “Mysterion, what if I break one of the monitors on the motion mounts, then hit him over the head?” _

_ “Smart. It should knock him out. Giving us access to the room.” _

Human Kite uses his powers to break the monitor from the mount. However, the sound of it breaking gets the guard’s attention.

“Wha?”

Human Kite quickly forces the monitor to slam down on the guard’s head. The man groans in pain as he goes unconscious. 

“Well, that was easy.” Mosquito says as the rest of the group enters the room.

“A little too easy.” Mysterion says ominously. 

The group crosses the room to see the door electronically locked. Human Kite looks at the top of the door to see a yellow wire that connects the electronic lock to a circuit box. 

_ “Criag, use your laser vision on that box. It should fry the wires and unlock the door for us.”  _ Human Kite says thoughtfully.

_ “And this is why I keep you around Kite.” _ Mysterion smiles proudly.

_ “Oh fuck off.” _ Human Kite grumbles.

Criag sighs at the banter. He turns to look at the box. Focusing his eyes on it. He can feel the quick build up of heat behind his eyes. He unleashes his power. Two blue lasers zap the box, short circuiting it.

Human Kite watches as the red light above the door shut off. He smiles. He was right.

“Let’s go.” Mysterion pushes the heavy metal door open.

The group walks into a brick room. There, in the center of the room, is Detective Yates sitting at a desk with several clear bags of an off-white powdery substance. A couple syringes lay across the desk. One lays next to a golden desk lamp. 

“You know what a cop is, children? A cop is a slave.” Detective Yates waves around his hands.

“Yeah fucking right.” Tupperware sarcastically mutters.

“A robot who is told not to think for himself. It’s the politicians who are the real bigots.”

_ “What’s this guy’s obsession with bigots?” _ Criag asks.

_ “No clue.” _ Human Kite shrugs. 

“The Boss wants to use us for his gain. But will use this opportunity to get what we deserve. The only way to have that work was to raise crime in the streets. And now cops are finally about to do things the old way again. Don’t you see this is better for everyone?” Yates says in a stern voice. He then proceeds to stick a syringes into his arm.

_ “Woah, woah, hold up. He said boss. As in someone’s giving him orders.” _ Human Kite points out.

_ “So there’s a higher up?”  _ Mysterion questions. 

_ “He also said something along the lines of a cover up.”  _

_ “I don’t think this is really time to play detectives.” _ Criag says.

_ “We’re not pla-” _

“Holy shit!” The Coon cuts Human Kite off.

Human Kite whips his head around to see the rest of The Coon and Friends file into the room. 

“Coon and Friends! We’ve got the police chief! Top floor!” Toolshed calls out the location. 

“Guys!” Mosquito cheers at his friends.

Human Kite watches as The Coon and Friends surround his group and stand in poses.

“What can I say, you kids have got me by the balls. Almost by the balls.” Yates says gaining back everyone’s focus. 

Detective Yates gets out of his chair. He calmly walks over to a metal rusted door that has the numbers ‘403’ printed on it. Yates stops by two red and white levers.

“You know, not every prisoner we have here is black. We actually do have one white guy.” Yates pulls the lever to his right. 

Alarms sound and Human Kite slides into a defensive stance. He hears a creaking behind him. He turns to see the door that they came through closes.

“This is a trap!” Mysterion yells out.

“I’m sorry kids, but you left me no choice.”

Yates looks back at the levers pulls the to the left. The ‘403’ door swings open. Human Kite tenses as a man in blue plaid and brown pants walks out. A deranged smile on his face with wide eyes hiding behind the thick block frames. In his clenched hands are two subway subs. From the corner of his eye, Human Kite can see Detective Yates go back to his desk and grab the drugs. He then walks over to the elevator.

“Hey kids,” The man slurs out. “You want some candy?”

“Oh fuck, it’s Jared.” The Coon comments.

“You’ll excuse me if I don’t want to watch this.” Yates says as he presses a code on the keypad next to the elevator. The elevator opens immediately. Yates slides into the metal box and the doors close. 

“Kite, restrain him.”

Human Kite nods at Mysterion’s command. Human Kite lifts his right hand. He points it at Jared. Jared starts to rise into the air. He suddenly jerks back and flies through the air and into the space next to the elevator. 

“Damn that sexy kite kid. Using the powers of wind against me.” Jared breathes out. Winded from the impact. He pushes himself up so he is sitting against the wall.

Human Kite rolls his eyes at the comment. Using his powers to force the man into the wall.

“Good work.” Mysterion tells Human Kite. Gaining a smile from the kite themed hero.

Mysterion walks over to Jared. He stops in front of the older man.

“What are the police doing with the people they arrested?” 

Jared tilts his head up. The only movement he can do thanks to Human Kite’s hold on the man.

“How should I know? I’m just a sandwich guy?” Jared answers Mysterion uneasily.

Mysterion turns to look over at Criag. 

“Peruvian Criag, laser his balls.” Mysterion commands.

Criag walks up and stands next to Jared. His eyes start to glow blue at the energy building behind his eyes. Jared’s eyes widen at the threat. He starts to thrash against Human Kite’s hold on him.

“NO! NO PLEASE, PLEASE, I’LL TELL YOU ANYTHING!” Jared cries out.

Mysterion puts a hand up, as if to signal Criag to hold off. Criag’s eyes return to their normal color.

“What is the police chief hiding?”

“There’s,” Jared panics. “There’s more cells down below! Cops take that elevator! Prisoners go down there, but,” The man hesitates. “But they don’t come back.”

“What’s the code?” Mysterion questions.

“Aw, come on, how should I know?” Jared uneasily rambles off.

Mysterion glares at the man and drops his hand. Criag’s eyes start to shift to a bright blue.

“AHGHG AHGHG!” Jared screams.

“What’s. The. Code?” Mysterion growls out.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ve seen ‘em type it in!” Jared rushes out. “1-4-7-7! Please, I’m sorry. It’s just that I like being with children, you know. Because,” He starts to confess. “Because I never had a childhood of my own. Yeah, that’s it. I like kids because I’ve never had a childhood of my own.”

Mysterion’s outer appearance is neutral, sturdy, and cold. But on the inside he’s fuming with rage and disgust.

“I’m done with him. Kite, get him out of my sight.” Mysterion spits out. 

Human Kite nods. He looks over at the desk sitting in the middle of the room. He lifts his left hand and points it at the desk. The golden desk lamp starts to lift. Human Kite whips his left hand over to Jared. The lamp moves along with his hand’s motion. The golden lamp nails Jared in the head. The impact to the head makes the man go unconscious.

“That w-w-w-w….w-waaaa… that was so epic.” Human Kite hears Fastpass exclaims behind him.

Human Kite smiles sheepishly to himself. Feeling a bit embarrassed at the compliments. He then turns back to Jared. He lifts his right hand and moves it over to door ‘403.’ Jared’s limp body follows Human Kite’s hand. He body lands in his jail cell. Human Kite then points his hand at the door. Human Kite swings his hand and the door follows the process. The rusted metal door swings shut, trapping Jared back in his cell. 

_ “Good fucking riddance.”  _ Human Kite says as he closes the door.

_ “Fucking pedaphiles. Disgusting.”  _ Mysterion spits out with venom.

_ “Damn, I should have lasered him.”  _ Criag says with disgust leaking from every word.

“GAH! What do we do now?” Wonder Tweek’s outburst brought the three heroes out of their conversation.

The three turn around and look at The Coon and Friends. Mysterion steps up and faces The Coon.

“What in the hell do you think you’re doing here?” Mysterion says, trying to keep the anger out of his voice.

“I wasn’t going to take orders from someone who can’t correctly wear his underwear.” The Coon insults. 

“Leave now. This place is not safe.” Mysterion commands. 

“Let’s just do what Mysterion says. Tupperware almost got shot. It really isn’t safe.” Mosquito tries to convince The Coon.

“GAH! Tupperware are you okay?” Wonder Tweek rushes to Tupperware’s side.

Tupperware smiles at the blond haired boy. 

“I’m fine, but that was some scary shit.”

“Coon, let’s go. Let’s leave this to Mysterion and his friends.” Toolshed tells The Coon.

A part of Human Kite’s stress lifts as he sees Toolshed in the room unharmed. 

“I’m not letting this pussy fuck be in control!” The Coon screams and Human Kite could only think of it as a temper tantrum. 

“Dude, calm down.”

“NO! I’m not calming down Toolshed. I’m not going to deal with their bullshit.”

_ “Mysterion, I really don’t like this idea, but we need to get down to those cells. Classi’s most likely down there. If- If bringing them with us can get us down there faster…” _ Human Kite trails off.

Human Kite didn’t like the silence within the psychic link. He didn’t like the idea he proposed, but if The Coon refused to leave or, at least, stay in this room, then they have to bring the fraud hero group.

_ “You’re right.”  _ Mysterion says reluctantly.

_ “But Mysterion.” _

_ “No, Criag, Kite’s right. We can’t leave without them.” _

“Fine. I don’t like this, but you guys can come with.” Mysterion speaks to the group. “However, there must be rules. You must stay near Human Kite. Do not leave his side. Don’t engage in a fight.”

Human Kite watches as the group takes in the rules. 

“Let’s go.” Mysterion turns and goes to the keypad next to the elevator. 

Mysterion punches in the code. The elevator opens. Everyone makes their way into the elevator. The doors close. Common elevator music plays in the background. Human Kite stands in the back left corner of the elevator. Peruvian Criag stands in front of him while Professor Chaos stands next to him. Human Kite looks to Professor Chaos’ side to see Toolshed. Human Kite has to force himself to not stare at the tool themed hero. 

“Don’t try anything Coon.”

“Please Mysterion. Like I would do anything.”

“You would. That’s why I’m saying it.”

The elevator doors open to the basement. Fog trails against the ground. Red robes lined with gold are hanged up on the wall. Everyone scatters out of the elevator and into the eerie hallway. Human Kite looks over to see Toolshed with a scared look on his face. 

_ “Figures they would have a creepy basement.”  _ Human Kite scoffs.

_ “Well we are dealing with cultists after all.” _ Mysterion replies.

_ “Lunatics if you ask me.”  _ Criag adds.

“Uh, Mysterion, look.” Professor Chaos points to behind the group. 

Everyone turns to look at what Professor Chaos is referring to. A security camera hanging above the elevator.

_ “Shit they may already know we’re here.”  _ Mysterion frowns. “Kite.” He says and Human Kite instantly lifts his right hand, pointing it at the camera. He crushes his hand and the camera crushes along with it. 

“Let’s go.” Mysterion commands and everyone starts to follow Mysterion down the ominous hallway.

They group stops right before the hallway turns to skulls. 

“Holy fuck.” Toolshed breathes out.

“I think I’m going to be sick.” Mosquito quivers. Cupping his hand over his mouth.

“GAH! Oh my God, oh my God. We’re going to die!” Wonder Tweek freaks out.

“Stop being pussies.” The Coon says to the group.

“Shut up Cartman! Hallways filled with skull heads is something we didn’t sign up for.” Tupperware retaliates. 

“Well you better step the fuck up cause we are not leaving.” The Coon sasses.

“Shut the fuck up. They’re scared asshole.” Criag says. 

Everyone goes quiet and turn to look at the peruvian themed hero. The Coon glares at Criag.

“Make me, Aztec.”

“I will.”

“Criag stand down. No use in fighting, nit here at least. We need to keep going with our mission.” Mysterion says.

Criag takes a breath. He closes his eyes, feeling to pressure behind his eyes fade.

“Okay.” Criag says in a monotone voice.

Human Kite looks at his fellow hero in concern. 

_ “You okay, Criag?” _

_ “No, I’m pissed off.” _

_ “Use that aggression to find Classi. And who knows, maybe you can punch Coon after this.” _ Mysterion cuts in.

Criag doesn’t say anything more. Instead he just looks around the hallway. He spots a podium with a book opened on top of it. Criag walks over to it. He looks at the words on the pages. It seems to Criag that the pages are telling a story. He closes the book to reveal the black and white cover of the book.

“Necronomicon?” Criag reads aloud.

“What did you find Criag?” Mysterion says as he makes his way to the peruvian ninja hero.

“Some book.” Criag picks up the book and hands it to Mysterion. “It’s just filled with stories.”

Mysterion inspects the cover of the black and white book. He stills as he looks at the two pentagrams on the cover. 

“Tupperware.” 

Tupperware goes to stand next to Mysterion.

“I am entrusting you with this book. Do not lose it.”

Tupperware nods and takes the book from Mysterion. Human Kite watches the interaction. He turns and looks at the locked skull gate. 

_ “We need to find a key.” _ Human Kite informs in the mind link.

Human Kite watches as Mysterion nods in his direction. 

“Everyone, stay in this hallway. Kite, Criag, protect them.” Mysterion turns and enters the morgue, leaving everyone else.

While waiting, Human Kite takes note of the sorrowful screams that are heard above the silence. He shutters at the noise. He looks around to find everyone else in a state of constant paranoia. The worried and scared faces present of his friends’ faces. Except The Coon’s who has a look of an impatient person in a long line. Human Kite looks away from The Coon in annoyance. He looks over to Toolshed instead. His super best friend looks ready to jump at any given moment. Human Kite walks over to Toolshed and pats him on the shoulder reassuringly. Toolshed looks at Human Kite in surprise. 

“Uh, thanks.” Toolshed says nervously. 

Human Kite is a bit surprised at his super best friend’s nervousness towards him. However, he then remembers that Toolshed has no idea who Human Kite is underneath the mask. He takes his hand off of Toolshed’s shoulder and turns to look at the door, waiting for Mysterion to walk out of it. He hears shifting next to him and can feel Toolshed’s eyes on him. However, he refuses to look at Toolshed’s curious gaze. Suddenly, the door of the morgue swings open and Mysterion walks out. However, instead of addressing the group, he immediately turns to the left (Human Kite’s left) and walks over to the forensic lab’s door. 

_ “Mysterion, what are you doing?”  _ Human Kite questions.

_ “I found a key in a dead person’s coat in the morgue. It leads to the forensic lab. Hopeful I can find the key to that creepy gate.” _ Mysterion says as he enters the lab. 

Human Kite watches as the hero in purple disappears behind the door. He stares at the door, waiting for Mysterion to walk out of the room. In the hallway, Human Kite can still hear the soft sorrowful screams. He tries his best to focus on the lab’s door. 

_ “Holy shit.” _ Mysterion says in the mind link. 

_ “What’s wrong?”  _ Human Kite tenses. He’s nerves on high alert. 

_ “There’s some guy behind a door. He is monologuing himself while taking heroine. And- And,”  _ Mysterion’s voice pauses for a few second.  _ “Fuck. He tripped on something.” _

Human Kite could hear a muffled crash coming from the forensics lab. 

“Oh hamburgers! What was that?” Professor Chaos asks.   


“Nothing. Don’t worry about it.” Criag replies to Professor Chaos. The hallway returns to its silent state.

_ “Oh fuck the guy says he left out some toxic gas that’s going to kill him.”  _ Mysterion informs. 

_ “What?” _ Human Kite questions.

_ “When the guy tripped he broke the gases container.”  _ Mysterion pauses.  _ “Oh fuck.” _

_ “Mysterion?” _ Criag asks.

_ “I’m okay, but that guy’s dead. He turned on the lights before he died. The guy’s skin is melting off. Been there done that. Shit hurts like hell.” _

Human Kite winces at Mysterion’s comment. 

“Fucking hell. I can see the key for the gate inside of the room. Just give me a minute.”

With that Mysterion goes silent in the link. Human Kite just sits in the hallway hoping that Mysterion doesn’t die by the gas. After what feels like hours, Mysterion exits the forensic lab, gold skeleton key in hand. The group cheers for Mysterion.

_ “Holy shit, how did you get it?”  _ Human Kite asks in amazement. 

_ “I just had to start up the venting fan.” _ Mysterion says casually. 

_ “Then why did you take so long?”  _ Criag points out. 

Mysterion whips his head to Criag and glares at him.

_ “I’m not good with wires alright. They stupid button for the fan didn’t work, okay? This is why I took home economics.” _ Mysterion mumbles at the end. 

Human Kite inwardly smiles at the banter between Criag and Mysterion.

_ “Alright, let’s just get this done so we all can head home.” _ Human Kite says.

Mysterion looks at the large group waiting for Mysterion’s instructions. Mysterion nods at the group and they all walk over to the gate. Mysterion puts the key in the hole and twists. The gate’s lock easily gives away and the gate swings open in return. 

“This has to be where Classi is. Remember Coon and Friends, stay near Human Kite and do not engage in combat. Leaving the fighting to me and my team.” With that, Mysterion turns and walks down the tunnel looking pathway. The group follows. It was long until the tunnel opened up to a large cave. The group walks down the stairs quietly. Sneaking up on Detective Yates performing a ritual.

“Iä! Iä!  Shub-niggurath! Black goat of the woods. Blessed be us your faithful servants, the destroyers of light,  Iä! Iä!  Shub-niggurath. Black Goat of One Thousand Morbid Young. Draw down the moon and extinguish the sun.” Yates pauses for a second. Hands still raised. “Alright let him go.” 

Human Kite watches as a black man from the top of the large stairs is pushed off. He watches as the man’s body falls into the pit below. Tentacles fly out of the pit. 

“Uhhh, sir?” A detective at the top of the stairs calls out to Yates.

Human Kite watches as Detective Yates turns around to see their group. 

“Oh, I see. I guess because cops feed African Americans to an Elder Guardian they’re...racist.” 

_ “What the absolute fuck?” _ Criag says in confusion and horror. 

“Shub-niggurath is an Outer God, kids, who must be appeased and whose coming was told by the great H.P. Lovecraft. But I suppose H.P. Lovecraft was a racist too!” Yates says and another man in a red robe walks up to Yates. The man whispers something into Yates’ ear.

“Oh, fuck, he really was? Like- Like how racist? Really, really?”

The man Whispers something again but is interrupted by Classi yelling from the top of the staircase. 

“Yo, it’s my homeboys! Get me the fuck up outta here, these fuck heads are completely cray!” 

“Let’s end it!” Mysterion yells at Yates. 

“Alright, you kids wanna battle? Let’s do this.” 

Detective Yates takes out a syringe and sticks it into his arm. He turns and moves off to the side of the pit where there is more area to move. Mysterion moves after him, he motions for the group to follow behind him. 

“Okay, chuck another one it.” Yates tells the men at the top of the stairs.

“Awww, fuckin’ hell no.” Classi grumbles. 

Human Kite watches as Classi struggles against the two men’s grips. She shoves one of the men and both fall of the stairs. Human Kite’s breath hitches as he watches Classi’s body falls off the stairs. He lets out a breath of relief when he sees Classi’s body land by the edge of the pit. A loud grumble echoes throughout the cave as the man lands in the pit. Classi hurriedly gets up and rushes over to the walls of the cave. 

“No! The All Mother can’t stand white meat!” Yates yells. 

Human Kite takes out of the monster’s weakness. He watches as blood from the pit flies out and lands on the edges of said pit. The monster slowly shows itself out of the pit. It makes a loud screech. 

“Death is coming. Stay behind us.” Mysterion orders. 

“The All Mother demands black meat!” A detective says as they come up from behind the group. 

Human Kite whips his head around to see two detectives at the rear of the group. Human Kite slides into the middle of the group and puts up his psychic shield. He watches as the two detectives take out specially designed dagars. 

The two detectives lung at the group. Some of the Coon and Friends (mainly Wonder Tweek, Fastpass, and Toolshed) shriek in fear. They still scream even when they see the dagars slashing against the invisible shield. 

“What?” Toolshed says in shock.

“Human Kite can make a shield with the wind. It’s awesome isn’t it!” Mosquito pipes up in enthusiasm. 

“That’s why Mysterion wants us to stay by Kite.” Tupperware informs.

Human Kite watches as the two detectives try to stab the shield. Trying puncture the shield. However, Human Kite refuses to do so. Smirking at the dejected looks on the both detectives’ face.

Another screech resonates throughout the cave. Human Kite turns just in time to see a tentacle slash at the shield. Human Kite stumbles a bit at the strong force of the hit. The shield wavers. 

“You okay Kite?” Mysterion asks as he stands in a defensive position. 

Human Kite nods,  _ “I don’t think my shield is strong enough to take care of both detectives and that monster. I could barely keep the shield up from that thing’s last attack.”  _ Human Kite informs.

_ “Focus on the monster. Criag and I will take care of the detectives.” _ Mysterion replies.

_ “Didn’t Detective Yates say that the monster hates “white meat?” Why not just push the detectives over to Shub-whatever.” _ Craig comments.

_ “Great idea Criag. _ ” Mysterion praises.  _ “Can you drop the back of the shield?”  _

_ “I don’t have great control over the shield. But I’ll try.” _

Human Kite focuses all of his attention on the front of the shield. He can feel the shield get smaller in the back and bigger in the front. He can picture in his mind the large shield in the front and the back being exposed. A massive headache starts to form at the complicated switching of positions. He sticks both hands up and point them at the pit. His shaking arms don’t go unnoticed by the group.  

_ “Alright,”  _ Human Kite has to pause to adjust to the usage of both shield and psychic link. _ “It’s down.”  _

That’s all Human Kite has to say. Mysterion and Criag take off. Each taking on a detective. A detecive tries to lunge at Mysterion, but the boy in purple ducks and ends up behind the man. He pushes the man past the group and by the edge of the pit. All the while, Criag uses his laser beams at the man. The detective dodges the beams and starts to rush Criag. Craig, however, just stands there with his arms crossed. The detective stops and stares at the hero in blue with confusion. Criag just points to behind the man. The man turns to see Mysterion behind him. Mysterion smirks at the man and punches him in the face. Knocking the man out. Both Mysterion and Craig grad a wrist and pull the unconscious man back over to the group. They lay the man on the ground a few feet away from the group. Criag then blasts the ground by the man. The blast sends the man a few feet away from the pit. Criag hurries back to the safety of the shield. 

Shub-niggurath lets out another howling screech. Her tentacle arms whipping around the area. Human Kite digs his feet into the ground braces for each impact. When the first arm hit the shield, Human Kite felt the impact rattle his brain. His arms shake, but he tries to brace himself for the next hit. The hit comes and Human Kite takes the impact better than the first. He manages to keep his arms from shaking but the pain still shot through his brain. However, a third hit doesn’t come. Shub-niggurath instead drags the two detectives into the pit. Two more detectives appear in front of the group.

Mysterion and Criag share a look. They both nod at each other. Criag fires up his laser eyes. He points his eyes at the the one detectives. It hits the man and Criag drags his eyes across to the other man. The man tries to dodge but Criag’s are on lock. It hits the man, keeping both detectives in front on the group. The men try to get up but their injuries refuse for them to do so. Shub-niggurath screeches again. Faster than last time. Human Kite braces once again. For the arms. Hit after hit comemence and Human Kite’s knees start to feel weak. 

_ “Guys, is there any other weakness for this Shub-monster? Cause I can feel my energy draining fast.”  _ Human Kite informs.

“Tupperware can you find any information in that book for Shub-niggurath?” Mysterion commands.

Tupperware looks at his arms and frowns. 

“Mosquito can you hold the book for me?”

“Sure.” 

Mosquito takes the book from Tupperware. Tupperware flips through the pages looking for the name Shub-niggurath. He finds the pages he is looking for quickly. He speed reads all the information on the monster.

“Most of what Detective Yates said was true. It does say that she is immortal. However, this form is only her physical form which can be destroyed. While her actual form is somewhere else. That’s the only thing different.” Tupperware informs the group.

“Well shit.” Criag grits out. Moving to stand in front of Wonder Tweek.

Three more detectives appear however Shub-niggurath screeches again and her arms whip around. Trying to grab onto anything. The three incoming detectives were victims to Shub-niggurath’s arms. They scream in fear as they are pulled into the pit. Shub-niggurath screams in pain. Lashing out in any and every direction. 

Hit after hit, Human Kite becomes weakened. All of his power going into keeping up his shield, thus protecting his friends. His knees shake with every hit. 

Suddenly he feels a pressure against his kite. He looks over his shoulder to see Toolshed propping him up. 

“You look like you needed some help.” Toolshed smiles at Kite.

Human Kite can feel his heart start to speed up. He can feel the heat rise to his cheeks. Human Kite opens his mouth, but quickly remembers that he shouldn’t talk and closes it. Instead he nods and smiles at Toolshed. With Toolshed propping him up, Human Kite puts all of his attention on maintaining the shield.

“I will not let you destroy our Black Goat. She is one more white meant away from death. I will protect her!” Detective Yates slurs out. 

Yates tries to take out his gun from his holster, however his movements are slow and it is obvious that he has minimum control of his motor functions. His gun gets caught on its holster. 

“God fuckin’...” Yates slurs off. 

Human Kite barely notices the detective. To focused on the shield to care about the man. 

_ “I know what needs to be done.”  _ Mysterion says ominously in the mind link.

_ “What?” _ Criag asks.

_ “Yates said that Shub is about one hit K.O. So all I hav-” _

_ “Oh no you don’t.” _ Human Kite cuts Mysterion off. _ “I know what your thinking and no.” _

_ “It’s the only way Kite.” _

_ “You’re going to jump in that pit aren’t you?”  _ Criag concludes. 

_ “You catch on fast, Fucker.” _

_ “At least I’m not an asshole like you, McWhoreMick.”  _

_ “Well, c’est la vie, or however the saying goes. I’ll see you later.” _ Mysterion says.

Human Kite watches with wide eyes as Mysterion darts around the invisible shield. Making his way to the large pit. Dodging the swinging tentacles. Human Kite can hear the shouts of everyone around him. Screaming at Mysterion to stop what he is doing. Human Kite watches as Mysterion jumps into the pit. Seconds later an extremely large amount of blood spews out of the pit. Intenstants and bones fly out along with the blood. 

Everyone sits in silence. Taking in what had just unfolded in front of them. Mysterion just died. Human Kite breathes deeply. Mysterion just died. Mysterion just died. Kenny just died. Human Kite closes his eyes. Kenny, one of his best friends, just died. Along with a demon, monster, thing. The image of Mysterion jumping into the pit repeats on the inners of his eyelids. Kenny’s died. Human Kite can hear Toolshed’s “Oh my God they killed Mysterion.” He can also hear The Coon laughing at the tragedy that goes along with Mysterion’s death. Only if Cartman knew that Mysterion was (No is. Human Kite has to remind himself that Mysterion is immortal) Kenny. He wouldn’t be laughing so much at Kenny’s death. 

Human Kite shook his head at that thought. Kenny isn’t dead. Kenny was at his home asleep, keeping his little sister out of trouble. Kenny said he didn’t want to go to the police station. Human Kite opens his eyes. He sees everyone's excited faces at the defeat of the monster.

“That was awesome!” Mosquito screams out. 

“GAH! No it wasn’t!” Wonder Tweek spazzes. 

“T-T-Thhhh- Thhhaaaa- That was dis-disgusting.” Fastpass smiles. 

Human Kite smiles at the group. He sees Classi walk up to the group.

“I can’t believe you little assholes did it! Thank y’all!” Classi smiles at the group. “I feel like I’m finally safe in this shithole town!” 

_ “Criag, tell Classi that we will get in contact with her if we need anything.” _

“We will keep in contact.” Criag says in his monotone voice. 

Classi turns, back facing the group, and waves. She then leaves the cave. Despite knowing that Classi wasn’t looking, Human Kite still waves back to the stripper. 

“So, what now?” Toolshed asks.

“Our work here is done. It’s time to go home.” Criag informs the group. 

Majority of the group agrees with Criag. The Coon complains but dejectedly, but follows as the group exits the police station. Once outside, Tupperware gives the Necronomicon to Human Kite. The Coon and Friends part ways with Criag and Human Kite. The two heroes part ways, but both wait outside their respective house, waiting for their neighbors to return to their bedrooms. Once the coast is clear, both boys find a way into their bedrooms. (Criag using a ladder and Human Kite using his powers).

Once inside his room, Human Kite tosses the book onto his desk. Then he changes back into his pajamas. He slides into his bed and under his covers. He stares at his ceiling thinking about all the exciting adventures Kenny missed before falling into a deep sleep.

 

\---------

 

One ring goes by. Another one passes before a picture of Heidi Tuner appears on the phone screen.

_ “Babe? What’s up? It’s like, four a.m.” _ Her fatigued voice play over the phone.

“You won’t guess what I just found out today.”

_ “What?” _

“I know who Mysterion is.” 

One the screen, Heidi visibly perks up. Her shocked face slowly forms into a devious smirk. 

_ “Shall we start phase two?” _

“Phase Two is a go.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed. 
> 
> Okay so if you got lost with the whole Mysterion death thing and why Human Kite and everyone else completely blew it off, don't worry I'll explain it here and in the next chapter. So, when Kenny or Mysterion dies no one remembers (well besides Cartman). However, Kyle and Stan both can get their famous quotes in before forgetting about Kenny's death. So my friend AshenPlague and I came to the conclusion that the curse doesn't activate until, at the most, a minute so the boys can get their lines out. Then forced to forget about their friend's death, and their memories are altered of Mysterion/Kenny.
> 
> Hope that explanation helps in someway. Sorry if like none of this made sense. 
> 
> Also, is it just me or is Token that mom friend?


End file.
